Play to your date’s interests.
By now, you probably know what your date likes to do for fun. If there’s an interest you two share that might be a good date activity, suggest doing it so that your date knows you care about them. You two can bond over how much fun it is, and it will set the precedent for any upcoming dates you might have together. Is your date super into cooking? Sign up for a couple’s cooking class together. Is your date a foodie? Make reservations for the new brunch spot that just opened up. Does your date love roller coasters? Buy tickets to a theme park.
Do something active together.
A physical activity is a great way for the two of you to bond. On your first 3 dates, you might have done the typical dinner and drinks combination, which is great! Now that you’re more comfortable with each other, try doing something that gets you both moving, like a nature walk or a hike. A fun activity like this will show how compatible you are, and it’s good to see how well you guys get along in different settings. You could also try going to an arboretum, going bowling, or going mini golfing. Activities like these will create memories that you and your date can look back on fondly. Whatever you do, try to avoid a “Netflix and chill” situation. Although it’s the 4th date, you still want to put some effort into taking your date out and showing them a good time.
Spend at least a few hours together.
Your 4th date should be fairly long since you’re comfortable with your date. You could even pick an activity that takes all day—maybe a road trip to the beach or a fun hike with dinner afterwards. Whatever it is, try to carve out a good amount of time so you and your date can really bond with each other. Feel free to set an agenda, but don’t be too rigid about sticking to a schedule. If you and your date find something fun to do along the way, feel free to jump on a spontaneous activity.
Relax and be yourself around them.
On the 4th date, be ready to show your true colors. You’ve gotten past the awkward “get to know you” phase of the first 3 dates, and you might feel more comfortable around them. You don’t need to put on an act or try to impress your date anymore. That way, you and your date can tell if you two are truly compatible. Hopefully, your date will do the same, and you can both be yourselves around each other from now on.
Ask deeper questions.
It’s time to move past the surface-level questions and into the real stuff. Ask your date about their childhood, their upbringing, and who their friends are. Right now, you want to focus on learning about your date on a deeper level—who are they, really? “Are you close with your family?” “Which of your friends do you spend the most time with?” “How’d you end up in [your city]?”
Open up a little more.
Your date wants to learn more about you, too. The 4th date is the time to open up about the nitty gritty details of your life. You don’t have to share everything all at once, but you can start to talk about things you might only chat about with a close friend. You might talk about your upbringing, your family, or your career prospects.
Mention your goals for the future.
See if you and your date have similar life plans. The 4th date is when you can figure out if you really want to be with someone. Talk to your date about where they see themselves living or working in the future, and what their plans are in terms of children and marriage. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” “Do you plan on staying in this area?” “Do you want kids one day?”
Figure out if your lifestyles are compatible.
Ask your date what a typical week looks like for them. If you’re a super active person, you probably want to be with someone who is active, too. If you love to travel, you probably don’t want to date a homebody who wants to stay put. Talk about what you both do for fun, and be real about it—otherwise, you might give your date the wrong impression. “What’s your favorite way to relax?” “What do you get up to on the weekends?” “How often do you like to travel?”
Mention exes if they come up naturally.
By the 4th date, it’s safe to talk about your past relationships. In fact, bringing up your exes is a good way to see how your date handles rejection or failed relationships. If it happens naturally, you can talk about your last relationship and what made it end, just to get to know your date a little more. “You’re such a cool person. Who would let you get away?” “I’m curious: how long was your last relationship?”
Define what the relationship is.
After the 4th date, things tend to get a little more serious. You can gently bring up the “What are we?” conversation to start talking about being exclusive. You don’t have to make any decisions just yet, but now’s a good time to mention if you’re seeing other people or not. “Are you seeing anyone else right now? Because I’m not.” “Just wanted to let you know that I deleted my Tinder last night.”
Get physical if you’d like to.
There’s no rule about how long you should wait to have sex. If you and your date are having a good time and you haven’t gotten physical yet, you can test the waters by inviting them back to your place. Keep in mind, though, that not everyone is comfortable having sex after the 4th date, and you don’t have to be ready for that yet, either. If you want to invite them to your place, say something like, “I had a really great day with you. Do you want to come back to my place for a drink?” If they decline, don’t take it personally. A lot of people like to wait until they’re in a committed relationship before having sex with their partner.
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