Individuals are unique and often have different ways in which they connect with their partner in a relationship. While some aspects of one’s attachment style may work to their advantage, others may keep them from having a close bonding. One such style, marked by challenging traits, is the avoidant attachment style. This is characterised by a fear of closeness and intimacy. Clinical psychologist Dr Julie Smith recently shared a video on Instagram giving her insights on avoidant attachment style relationships.
Those who have an avoidant attachment style tend to be uncomfortable with physical and emotional closeness. They may often find ways to create distance in the relationship. They may also feel uneasy due to displays of affection and a tendency to suppress their emotions.
While detailing avoidant attachment style, UK-based Dr Smith shared four prominent ways to identify it. Starting off with her list, she says, “When your partner seeks intimacy with you, the barriers go up. And the more they try to get close, the more you pull back.”
She also said that people with this style tend to hold back on starting new relationships because they find it hard to trust others, including their partners. Another sign she said, is that they end relationships to gain a sense of freedom.
“You keep your partner at an arm’s length emotionally because it feels safer, and they often accuse you of being distant,”She said.
In the caption, Dr Smith elaborated on the concept of attachment styles. The style a person has is not their own doing, she explained.
“These are the patterns of relating to our caregivers from the early years of our lives. But, while they develop early in life, we don’t have to be at the mercy of them,” Dr Smith added.
She pointed out a starting point, emphasising the importance of knowing how one’s attachment style impacts their relationship today.
Take a look at the video here:
Dr Smith provided some solutions as well. Here’s a look at some tips she suggested to overcome avoidant attachment style.
1. Keep a journal: Try writing down about times when you need connection, but can’t seek it out. Try to also pay attention to times when you think your partner is trying to work for connection and you see that as a threat.
2. Communicate: Communicate with your partner about what you have found out. They will be in a better place to be there for you in the way you need if they understand what you are going through.
3. Allow Time: Take your time to change your attitude, consider making small changes.
4. Take help: Try approaching a couples’ therapist for help if needed. Counselling may help to overcome your emotional and mental barriers.
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