Sorry India, it was racism: Goody

London: Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty may have denied it in as many words just to ease things a little bit for British television channel, Channel4.

But disgraced Celebrity star Jade Goody, whose name has since become synonymous with bad, racist behaviour, has admitted that she indeed made racist comments about the Indian actress on the reality TV show Celebrity Big Brother.

"She (Shilpa Shetty) was a victim of bullying and racism, yes. I can understand why she would have said that," Goody told London’s News of The World newspaper. "I am not going to justify my actions because they were wrong. I was shocked to see how I behaved. I was shocked and disgusted at myself," she said.

After Shilpa Shetty herself had gone back on her statement, absolving her housemates of racism charges, Jade Goody had offered an apology for her slander.

"Kate Moss invited me back to her house for a party, that's my claim to fame. Not Shilpa Derupa. I don't know what her name is, particularly. I don't really care. Like I said last night, it's Shilpa Poppadom or something. It was just, as in, I'll take anything - Shilpa Poppadom. It wasn't anything. If I've offended any Indians out there, I apologise," Jade Goody said on Thursday hours before she was voted out of Big Brother's house in a public telephone ballot.

Goody had still kept her characteristic hot-headed attitude intact and refused to acknowledge Shilpa as Shetty, preferring to call her Poppadum instead. The News of the World described her exit from the show as stage-managed.

When Big Brother – the voice that commands the show – asked whether her behaviour with Shilpa was justified, Goody said, "It was just, as in, I'll take anything - Shilpa Poppadom. It wasn't anything. If I've offended any Indians out there, I apologise."

Talking to the British newspaper after she was voted out of the show, Goody said: "I'm not racist, but I can see why it has had the impact it's had. I look like one of those people I don't like." On being shown clips of herself by host Davina McCall, Goody admitted her behaviour was 'nasty'.

The 25-year-old Brit, however, denied she is a racist. "No, I'm not a racist, but I accept I made racist comments. I don't see people for the colour that they are, or where they come from. I'm mixed race myself and I speak to everyone of every colour, background and nationality. I don't care about where people are from," she told News of the World.

When she was asked to justify the comments that she made against Shilpa Shetty, Jade said: "I'm not going to justify my actions because they were wrong. I was shocked to see how I behaved. I was shocked and disgusted at myself. I don't know why I said those things to her or why those words came into my head. I wasn't thinking in my head a nasty thought. I'm not making excuses because I know that it's wrong. I now know that it's offensive. Maybe I'm just really stupid and nasty at heart. But I really don't think I am."

Jade, in fact, admitted calling Shilpa a "f***ing loser and a liar" and using other foul words. "I know that Shilpa doesn't live in the slums, because I took the time to get to know her. The slums is a word that Shilpa would have told me. I can't justify my actions for that. It wasn't meant as a racist comment," she said.

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She also claimed that when she watched those scenes, her anger "shocked her". "I didn't know that my presence could be so intimidating or bullying," she said.

Asked how she felt about the events, Jade says: "I feel sh*t. I hate myself right now. The first time I was on Big Brother it was like a holiday camp, but I've now got people out there who look up to me. I didn't want to get evicted for the wrong reasons. Evict me because I'm loud or annoying, but not because I'm a racist, because I'm not."

And then she actually turns apologetic. "I hold my hand up to my comments and to people reading them or hearing them and thinking I'm a racist. I can understand why those words would look racist because I didn't get on particularly well with Shilpa. It's offensive to her and her culture. I didn't think poppadom was a racist word. I now know that things that I may not think are racist can actually be racist. It's my own fault for not knowing enough about other people's cultures."

Goody's on-screen disputes with Shetty sparked criticism and complaints. Almost nine million people watched her apologise and deny racism on Channel 4 on Friday, according to early ratings. Goody made her name on the non-celebrity version of Big Brother in 2002. Since then she has earned millions of pounds through TV shows, magazine deals, an autobiography, a perfume and fitness DVDs.

Public relations guru Max Clifford said, "Ironically, the programme that made her could be the programme that breaks her." Goody faces an 'uphill task' to rescue her career, he said.