Profile's of real people who are different, or have made a difference in other people's lives. We speak to 24-year old marketing professional Sandeep Rane* from Mumbai, who tells us about his life as a gay man in India.
"A gay man's life in this country is predominated by confusion. Make no mistake, I say confusion, and not depression," he says. "In recent years, we have moved from being in denial to a state where were ready to take all this as a nice little joke. The fact that now the idea amuses rather than disgusts people in our country is definitely some kind of progress (with movies like Dostana becoming runaway hits)."
One of my friends got to know about me. We discussed it quite openly in front of her. Then one day we were talking about marriages and I said that I was not gonna marry. She was visibly shocked. Upon inquiring, we found that she thought that my being gay was just a condition and that it was something like a "bad" habit. Like, drinking or smoking. But that it hadn't really got to do anything with a major decision like marriage.
Name changed to protect identity.
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Growing up
"Growing up is probably the funniest part for a gay man in India," says Sandeep.
I always looked up to my elder sister as this model of perfection. I longed to stay at home with the girls and knit, while the other boys are out bruising themselves and smelling foul. I was petrified to throw a ball in front of my father, worse still, having to catch it.
I remember that silly little feeling in the tummy while watching Aamir Khan in Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, or worshipping Madhuri Dixit and aspiring to be like her when I grow up.
When I turned 13, I realised that female anatomy sketches in the science textbook fascinated me, but never attracted me. I pretended to have a crush on the hot well-fit babe in 10th grade, when actually my crush on the school cricket team captain is the only reason why I even tried understanding the game.
Handling homophobics
"I am out to all my friends, and most of the times I am just myself, because I know they wouldn't really want it any other way," smiles Sandeep.
Thankfully, people have started understanding the difference between gay people and eunuchs. A few years back, being gay in India meant that the guy probably had something "missing". Homophobia in our country is quite different and quite interesting than how it is in the West.
In America, you have gay bashers, secret gay hate clubs, political parties that can use homophobia in order to woo the Catholic/Conservative vote. But in India, homophobia is more about going into such complete denial that there are people who say, "Hatt! Aisa thodi na hota hai!" (all this doesn’t happen in India).
For better or for worse, straight people here can go to the extent of saying that there is no such thing as homosexuality
And even if you like kissing boys, just get married to a nice girl and all that will get fixed on its own.
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What next
"Maybe in a few years the amusement may give way to discussion, discussion may give way to consideration. Consideration to tolerance. And then finally to some kind of acceptance," hopes Sandeep.
I remember this one time when a friend of mine told her husband about me and he joked (or maybe was serious), that maybe one of these days he would find me in a crowded local traing groping young unsuspecting men.
A lot of straight people find this to be some kind of perversion, like paedophilia or rape, which is kind of sad. Not funny or amusing at all. Now, I am not totally denying that this kind of thing doesn't happen in trains, but then there are all kinds of perverts, there are straight perverts, there are gay perverts. But there is no need to generalise.
Falling in love
"The whole attraction bit was maybe somewhere around 13. I was at this girl's house who was in the same class and we were meant to study, and I sort of kissed her. And it made me all queesy. And then at 15 when I kissed a boy, I was like 'hey, this is so much better. I think I'll continue doing this'. And well, there was no looking back!" says Sandeep.
I find straight men quite boring. They are colourless, speak like there is only one expression for all kind of feelings, and if they are chauvinists, well don't get me started on that. Of course, I have a few straight men as friends and sometimes, at the end of the day, I realise that maybe I am just like them.
The rest of my inner posse is strictly female and it's not just because they talk just as much as I do, are fun to shop with, or are just as sensitive as I am. But because at the end of the day, I realise that maybe I am just like them too.
Like everyone, even I want to meet someone, fall in love, and be reasonably happy. I want to be myself, and still be respected. I want to be myself, and still be taken seriously. I want to be myself, and still want my parents to love me. I want to be a father, not just to prove that gay men can be good parents, but because I have a lot of love to give, which probably an adult cannot handle!
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