New Delhi: The impunity with which a woman gate-crashed India's parade at the Olympic opening ceremony would have surprised only the most reclusive Indian. It has been established that the "over excited" Madhura Honey was a member of the cast from the extravaganza and not a security threat. But her ingenuity has become the subject of debate for international media.
Most Indians have a delightfully childlike trait; to assume that they'd be welcome any where they went unannounced. The world is, after all, their oyster. Invitations be damned. A convicted and apparently reformed Indian sex offender, who posed as a doctor to prey on women, recently found his way on to the Royal Barge during the Queen's silver jubilee celebrations in London. There have been other instances of infamous gate-crashing.
Honey walked alongside wrestler Sushil Kumar right at the head of the Olympics Opening Ceremony parade with the confidence of a gold-winning trap shooter. She probably would not have stood out had she not worn a red tee and jeans amidst women in canary yellow saris. A rookie mistake.
Well, gate crash if you must. But you must know how. Here are five lessons in gate-crashing for those with intention no more sinister than stealing an extra gulab jamun for the road.
Be boisterous: It's the wedding of the season and you are without an invite. You vaguely know the bride's best friend's mother. Enough said. The main gate at the venue is the zone you need to clear with the caution of a soldier on reconnaissance mission. Get past that, and you are relatively safer inside. Be as loudly boisterous as possible. Every Indian will know what that means. Greet everyone around you, smile at the security officials at the gate and adjust your clothes while grumbling about the traffic and the weather. The main gate is no place to act shifty.
Mingle: Wait for a family of more than four people to enter, follow them inside while chatting animatedly with one of their members or on your phone. Any Indian can ace this. From bus stops to the passport offices, we are accustomed to sneaking past queues daily, aren't we?
Blend in: No matter how much you want to show off your new cocktail gown, you will stick out like a sore thumb at a traditional Tamil wedding. Go easy on the bling, blend in. Circulate, keep your head down and don't hold court with family members at the venue. You are gate crashing, not sermonising at the pulpit.
Eat first, photos later: Make a beeline for the food. You don't know if you will get a chance later. Eat your fill but do not overdo it. Do not go for the 15th serving, or people will remember you as the unknown guest who ate too much. You are doing this for fun, not as a day off from a prison camp.
Photos: Strict policy regarding photos - don't do them. I know you will be tempted to post on your Facebook a picture with Abhishek Bachchan at his wedding. But do notice the foolhardiness of that. Social media is the easiest way to track a person. Take photos if you must, but for your personal album and the wild yarn you will spin for friends and family later.
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