How to Get Off of Punishment Early

Getting Back in Your Parents' Good Graces

Volunteer to do chores. Show that you're willing to help out your parents or guardians, and they may be less angry or strict. Wash the dishes, take out the trash, care for pets, or clean up after younger siblings.

Don't break the rules of the punishment. If you're serious about trying to get the punishment to end early, follow the restrictions your parents have put down. If they discover you didn't obey them, they may even increase the length of your punishment.

Be polite to everyone, not just your parents. Your parents might watch your behavior toward siblings, older relatives, and family friends when deciding whether to keep punishing you. Be nice to your siblings or anyone else who lives in your house, and make an effort to talk politely with your parents' friends.

Spend time with your parents. Retreating to your room and sulking may make your parents more irritated at you. One of the most convincing ways to show you're making an effort is to volunteer to go with them to family events, such as visiting relatives or a restaurant. If you're too angry to stay polite with your parents, try an activity that doesn't involve much talking, such as watching a movie together.

Wait a while before you ask for reduced punishment. Your parents probably know that you're acting extra-nice because you want to get off punishment. The longer you keep acting this way, preferably a few days or more for a longer-term punishment, the more likely you are to convince your parents that you deserve less punishment.

Asking for Reduced Punishment

Try talking to just one parent or guardian. You may find it easier to have a conversation with just one person at a time. This is especially true if one parent is stricter or angrier at you than the other one.

Find a good time to talk. Ask your parent whether he is busy before you ask your question. Make it clear that you want to talk about the punishment before you begin talking. If he seems irritated or distracted, ask whether there is a better time to talk to him.

Apologize. It may hurt your pride, especially if you do not think you did anything wrong. However, your parent does, and she probably won't change her mind about the punishment unless you agree.

Don't make excuses. When you apologize, don't try to pass on the blame to someone else, or even part of the blame. You may explain briefly why it happened, but it's best only to talk about your own actions.

Use "I" statements to describe how you are affected by the punishment. Talk about your feelings, and avoid using the word "you," which can sound accusing. For instance, "I take a walk outside when I need to relax, so I feel stressed when I'm not allowed to leave the house." or "I know I did something bad, but I'm not sure this punishment is allowing me to show I can do better."

Suggest the chance to earn back your privileges slowly. This works best for long-term punishments, such as grounding that lasts several weeks or months. For instance, ask for the ability to leave the house, but with an earlier curfew. If you show you can follow these terms, your parents might continue to reduce the punishment or end it early. Some experts on parenting recommend that parents follow this strategy. Be cautious about telling this to your parents, though. They may not appreciate their child telling them about good parenting practices.

Suggest an alternate punishment. Your parents might let you exchange your current punishment for another one. Depending on the situation, you might ask to have extra chore duties, be banned from television and computers for a certain amount of time, or find a tutor for your schoolwork. Your parents probably know which punishments you find easy to handle. Suggest a serious alternative punishment, just one that will restrict you differently.

If this doesn't work, try again in a few days. Listen to your parent's response. If she does not agree to your suggestions, just end the conversation as politely as you can. Arguing back is more likely to result in increased punishment, not less. For longer term punishments, you can try again in a couple days, after emotions have lessened.