What is touch starvation?
Touch starvation is the desire or longing for physical touch. Many people experience this after they haven’t had contact with other people for a while. The touch in question doesn’t have to be sexual—you might crave a hug or a platonic cuddle with a friend. Touch is an important part of human culture, and some people even compare it to the need for food and water. Contrary to what you might think, you can still be touch starved even if you don’t particularly like other people touching you.
Why is touch so important?
Touch reduces stress and slows your heart rate down. Have you ever been having a bad day, and the only thing that could fix it was a hug from someone you love? Studies show that being touched, even platonically, can help slow your heart rate and reduce blood pressure.
Touch helps reduce feelings of loneliness. Skin-to-skin contact is a great way to remind yourself that you’re real, and other people are, too. When you go a long time without touching someone else, your feelings of loneliness might increase, as well as feelings of social exclusion.
Symptoms of Touch Starvation
Feelings of depression or anxiety. Studies show that people who have less physical contact with others may experience heightened mental health issues, like depression or anxiety. If you already struggled with either of these, you may notice that a lack of touch exacerbates them. Fortunately, you can use coping mechanisms and self-soothing strategies to simulate touch on your own.
Feeling increased stress. When you hug or touch someone, your stress levels automatically go down. If you haven’t had physical contact in a while, you might notice that you’re feeling more on edge or you’re more overwhelmed with your daily tasks.
Low relationship satisfaction. Physical touch is how humans bond and connect with one another. If you don’t have physical contact with your loved ones, you might have an unsettling feeling that something is missing in your relationships. Fortunately, you can change this by casually touching your loved ones when you see them in person.
Difficulty sleeping. When you’re more calm and less stressed, you have a better night’s sleep. However, when you’re touch starved, you might find yourself having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep at night. As you address your touch starvation and find ways to cope, your sleeping issues should go away on their own.
Coping Strategies for Being Touch Starved
Snuggle up in a weighted blanket. The weight of a heavy blanket can feel like you’re cuddling up to someone. Get comfy in bed, then pull a weighted blanket on top of you and wrap it around your body. The heaviness of the fabric can trick your brain into thinking you’re getting a hug or some cuddles, which can satisfy your need for touch. If you don’t have a weighted blanket, try wrapping multiple layers of blankets around you instead. Or, get cozy in multiple sweaters and sweatpants.
Sleep with a body pillow. A long, large pillow can imitate cuddling a person. Plus, studies show that hugging inanimate objects can help reduce stress and improve your mental state. Try getting a body pillow that’s as long and tall as you are, then keep it in bed to hold at night. You can find decent body pillows at a good price at most home goods stores. Don’t want to splurge on a body pillow? Try hugging a normal-sized pillow instead. It won’t quite simulate a human, but it can be just as comforting.
Take a warm, steamy shower. The sensation of the water on your skin can mimic touch. If you start to feel stressed or anxious, run yourself a nice shower or a warm bath. Let the warmth of the water and the heat from the steam envelope you as you close your eyes and just relax. Make things even more luxurious and relaxing by adding in a bath bomb or some scented soap. Feeling stressed? Play some soothing music and light a few candles for the ultimate relaxation.
Hold a warm mug of coffee or tea. Warm liquids can bring about a sense of peace. Pour yourself a mug of steaming hot coffee or tea, then take a moment to hold it in your hands. Let it warm you up from the outside in as you take a few deep breaths. If you’re trying this method at night, go for herbal tea or decaf coffee to avoid keeping yourself awake.
Listen to ASMR. Some people get a pleasant, relaxing feeling when listening to ASMR. The autonomous sensory meridian response might give you shivers or chills that can help satisfy your need for touch. Look up ASMR videos on YouTube or Google, then listen to them to feel calmer and more relaxed. There are tons of different styles of ASMR videos to choose from, including ones to relax you, ones to make you sleepy, and ones to comfort you. Most ASMR videos sound best on high-quality headphones.
Give yourself a massage. A soothing massage can help release tension and mimic outside touch. Sit in a comfortable position and massage your own shoulders, neck, hands, arms, and feet. Try to do this for 10 to 15 minutes until you feel more relaxed and comfortable in your own skin. Use some hand lotion to make your massage even easier. If you have the budget for it, try booking a professional massage instead.
Reach out to your loved ones. Talking to a friend or family member can help you feel less lonely. Even if they can’t be with you in person to give you a hug or a pat on the back, chatting with someone you love can be almost as good. Call, text, or video chat with your loved ones often to keep them in your life and make you feel more at peace. Try scheduling regular chats over the phone or video call. That way, people can work it into their schedules, and you have a set plan on when you’re going to talk to someone. You can plan and meet one or two friends regularly at a fixed time online to play musical instruments or games together. Otherwise, make random calls to your friends with whom you have not connected for a long time.
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