Examining your Conscience Before Confession
Take an honest, open appraisal of your sins before confessing. Known in the church as an "examination of conscience," reflecting on your spiritual and moral life is imperative before you end up in the confessional. Make a note, either mentally or on a piece of paper, about the sins you've committed since your last confession. Pay particular attention to the ones that still feel fresh, or that you really want to confess for. To start this examination, ask two questions: "In what ways did I sin?" "When did I fail to do the good or right thing when I should have?"
Think back on the sins you've committed since your last confession. You should focus on the sins most pressing on your mind. That said, nothing is too small for confessional. If it weighs on your soul, now is the time to let it out in a safe environment. Think about: Insults, fights, or rudeness to loved ones. Cheating, even small amounts. Lying, stealing or hurting someone for personal gain.
Reflect back on the good deeds you ignored, and the subtle sins you may have committed. Even if you didn't do something obviously wrong, we can all improve on the times we forgot to do something right. Think about ways you've cut corners or ignored the plights of others. Remember, while confession is about releasing your sins, it is also about becoming a better person who sins less in the future. Think about times you didn't do anything negative or positive and find ways to make those moments positive in the future. Have you prayed every day? Do you feel connected to God? Do you do the bare minimum for your loved ones, or do you go above and beyond? Do you take the easy way out, or push yourself to be a better person and servant of God?
Think about the sins you've committed against yourself. This is probably the least remembered type of sin, though everyone goes through periods of it in their life. Think about the times you were filled with self-pity, they days you cheated yourself out of a life goal or happiness, and the times you abused or neglected your own well-being. You need to treat all people with love and respect -- but that has to start with yourself.
Ensure that you feel actual remorse for your sins. Know this: confession is not some mechanical exchange were just entering the booth immediately washes away your wrongdoing. If you don't actually feel bad about what you've done then confession means absolutely nothing. Remember, this is between you and your God -- not just you and the priest.
Refer to the Catholic Church's guides for personal examination to help reflect. Sometimes the best way to see your flaws is to turn to an outside source. The Catholic Diocese published "sample examinations" for various groups of people. They contain useful questions, information on certain sins and current issues, and perspective on the problems you're currently facing. To start, check out their guides for: Married Couples Single People Young Adults Children
Confessing to A Priest
Know the difference between a "venial sin" and "mortal sin". In confession, all mortal sins are required to be confessed in order for a confession to be valid and for God to forgive your sins. Venial sins are not required to be confessed, but it is strongly recommended you do so. Venial sins are automatically forgiven after attending mass. A mortal sin is a very serious sin that ends your relationship with God and will prevent you from receiving the Eucharist indefinitely until you confess and repent. If you die with a mortal sin left unrepentant, you will go to Hell. In order for a sin to be mortal, all three conditions must be met (If one of them are missing, no mortal sin can be committed): The sin involves grave matter. This means the sin is very evil and severe and violates the 10 commandments. Examples of grave sins (Sins eligible to be mortal if the two conditions below are also met) are murder, abortion, rape, fraud, abusing or selling illegal drugs, arson, bullying, adultery (cheating on your spouse, fiancee, or boyfriend/girlfriend), or fighting someone with the intent to seriously injure them or kill them. The sinner must fully understand the sin they are about to commit is a mortal sin. The sinner chooses to do it anyway at their free will. A venial sin is a minor sin that can hurt your relationship with God, but is not severe enough to end your relationship with him or send you to Hell. However, venial sins do not give you a "free pass" to do it, it can possibly lead you to commit a mortal sin. God may assign you to purgatory, where you will temporarily be punished with suffering, but unlike Hell, purgatory is temporary and upon completing your punishment, you can enter Heaven afterward. Fortunately, most sins are venial sins (very few offenses qualify as mortal sins). A venial sin occurs when: The sin is minor (does not involve grave matter). Examples of minor sins are stealing $10 from your parents without asking, shoplifting a bottle of Coke, flipping off another driver, cheating on a school test, getting involved in a bar fight, and breaking civil laws of your jurisdiction. Even if the sinner knew it was a sin and chooses to do it at their free will, minor sins cannot "add up" to be mortal sins, but may tempt you to do so. The sin did involve grave matter, but the sinner either was not aware their action was a grave matter or they were forced to do it by someone else.
Confide your sin in a priest, or a trusted friend, relative, or authority figure, whenever possible. Whenever you can, go to a priest for confession -- they have the knowledge and skills to help you the most and can offer absolution. While everyone has their own special connection with God, but most Christian leaders suggest confessing sins to another. This gets the weight off your chest, provides someone to offer guidance and advice, and allows you to make things better with the help of a friend. If there is no priest around, a trusted confidant will do, although it is important to realize that a confidant is not bound by the seal of the Confessional. If you've sinned against someone, you should first go and confess to them. Make things right with them and the rest will follow. Confessing to another person is not a necessity -- it is only recommended. You can confess your sins alone to God as well. The Catholic Church teaches that an act of Perfect Contrition can remit venial sin and obtain forgiveness for mortal sins if and only if the person making the act of Perfect Contrition has the firm intention of receiving confessing their mortal sin(s) and receiving sacramental absolution as soon as possible. Perfect Contrition is when someone is sorry for their sins primarily because it offends God and out of love for God. Imperfect Contrition is when someone is sorry for their sins out of fear of hell, the realization of the sin’s ugliness, etc. Imperfect contrition is sufficient for receiving sacramental absolution, but generally not for the remission of mortal sins. The reasoning for confession can be found in John 5:16: "Confess your sins to one another ... that you may be healed."
Go to your local church and look up confession hours. You can usually find them in the church bulletin, on the door of the confessional, or by asking a priest or church staff member.
Begin with a sign of the cross and a brief prayer from the priest. Both of you begin with "In the name of the Father, the Son, etc..." before the priest says a few brief words. He may read a short passage, or he may say something along the lines of, "May the Lord be in your heart and help you to confess your sins with true sorrow." Once he has stopped speaking you may begin your confession.
Start your confession by asking for forgiveness. Begin by saying, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been _________ day/months since my last confession." This is considered the beginning of your actual confession. Don't worry if the words aren't exactly right -- asking for forgiveness and starting your last confession are the crucial parts. Some people prefer the less judgmental-sounding, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
Slowly, without fear or shame, recount your sins to the priest. Do not feel like you must hold back, feel embarrassed, or lie. Nothing you say in a confession can be repeated outside of the confessional -- even if you were to threaten to murder someone (including the priest himself). The point of a confession is to unburden your soul with the help of another. This sacred bond of trust, known as the Seal of the Confessional, is there to protect you and help you freely open up.
Make a determined inner effort to move past your sins and avoid them later in life. Determine what those sins should not be what you are or what you do, and repudiate them. Resolve in your heart or inner being that you have repented and will not return to them. This is a deeply personal moment and one that requires strength and courage to follow through with. This, however, is why you come to confession after examining your conscience.
Listen to the priest's response and discuss how to move forward. He will absolve you of all your sins, and tell you how much the Lord loves you. If you need, ask questions, add small details when needed, and engage with the priest. This is a conversation, not some a car wash, and you should feel free to engage in the process and work through issues with your priest. At the end of the confession, the priest gives you a penance. A penance is some combination of prayer, fasting, or almsgiving designed to set you on the path of change from your sins. Completing the penance is not optional, although if a priest asks you to do a penance that you are uncomfortable with, you may ask for a different penance or visit another priest and explain the situation. Knowingly and willingly choosing not to complete your penance is considered a sin in the Catholic Church. Contrary to popular belief, the completion of penance is not required for forgiveness. Forgiveness takes place as soon as the priest says the words of absolution (the Roman Rite’s prayer; eastern Rites have different formulae,) specifically the words in all capital letters: “God the Father of Mercies through the death and resurrection of His Son has reconciled the world to Himself and poured out the Holy Spirit for the Forgiveness of Sins. Through the ministry of the Church, may God grant you pardon and peace and I ABSOLVE YOU OF YOUR SINS in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”
Carry out your penance as soon as you can. Do not put this off. Whatever the priest has assigned for you to do, get right to it while the memory and feelings of spirituality are still hot. Penance is a way to bring you closer to your sins, helping you learn from them. It is not punishment. When you start looking at it as a chance for self-improvement, the ability to complete your penance is much easier.
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