You know that is extremely necessary to know as much about your partner before the wedding. But sometimes, no matter how many questions you ask him, or how many answers you get, the most intimate truths get sidelined.
Think of the more common stories where brides have been deceived because they have been married with blinkers on! Before all dreams of the furnished apartments vanish in thin air, they have to deal with the strenuous day-to-day tasks.
Or, even the case of women who discover that their husband "who was such a great catch" is actually impotent.
So before, you get married, here is a list of intimate queries and facts that you should ask yourself and your would-be before you tie the knot.
Money, money, money
Money matters are one of the most crucial points to discuss before you say, "I do". Remember, just asking how much he earns in a month is not enough. You need to have that financial compatibility and stability that is important is a successful marriage.
For example, your prospective groom might have given you a long list of achievements and accomplishments, but how many of them tell you their salary?
Or even for that matter, have you wondered what would happen if you realised during your honeymoon that you husband is a miser, when he refuses to go shopping with you or even have dinner in a restaurant? Don't wait until after the wedding to find out that he does not have any bank balance…
1. What is his monthly in-hand income?
2. Has he taken any personal loans that he is paying off?
3. Is he on a home loan? How many more years does he have to pay off the instalments?
4. Is he okay if you have a separate bank account?
5. Will he allow you to financially support your parents after your marriage?
6. What is the kind of savings he has on a monthly basis?
7. What is his bank balance as of now?
8. Does he have any credit card debt?
9. If you are a working woman, how much of your salary does he expect you to contribute, in terms of monthly expenditure?
10. Is he a spendthrift? How much does he spend every month on extras?
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Ambitious prospects
What is a man without an ambition? Remember, he and you may have the same career aspirations, but different goals. So, it is necessary for both of you to find a common ground regarding your ambitions.
For example, you may be quite ambitious and he could be laid back about his job (or vice versa). You don't want to find out after your wedding that he does not like you working late hours, do you?
Or, your would-be might be extremely encouraging about your job now, but after marriage, you realise that he wants you to quit your job?
12. How many jobs has he switched till date? What are the reasons for switching the jobs?
13. If he gets a job overseas, will he take it? Will he take it, even if it doesn't offer him a family status?
14. Does he have the kind of ambition to reach top level management someday?
15. What are his work timings like?
16. Will he be okay with your work timings?
17. Will he be okay with you continuing your job, even after you have kids?
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Healthy union
He might have had an illness when he was little, but, do you know if it will affect your kids in the future too?
For example, if your would-be has had a serious illness like typhoid or tuberculosis, it could leave him permanently weak and requiring a specific diet for the rest of his life.
18. Did he have any serious childhood health issues like typhoid or tuberculosis?
19. Is there a history of any hereditary disease in his family like cancer, diabetes, heart diseases, etc.?
20. Has he ever had a Sexually Transmitted Infection?
21. Will he take an HIV test with your family doctor?
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Relationship issues
Remember in Lago Raho Munnabhai, Munna's advice for a girl who was going to meet a prospective groom was to observe how he behaved with the class that is lower than his own. Sooner than later, he beckoned the waiter by whistling at him and the girl immediately knew this was not the man for her.
There is a whole lot of truth in this situation. Have you tried this test on your man? Your would-be's relationship with the people around him is a direct declaration of how he is going to behave with you.
After all, you don't want to see him raise a hand on you if you break a glass plate a week after your wedding.
23. Does he pass a comment on the looks or whatever of women who pass by?
24. Does he respect his grandparents and/or his nephews and nieces (kids)?
25. Does he get angry too often at his younger brother/sister/mom/dad? Does he get violent when angry?
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Sexual awakening
Now, if have been physically intimate with the person you are going to marry, then these questions may have been already answered for you. However, if yours is a contrary case, then be open about intimacy and sex…
Sexual matters are by far the most intimate matters, and discussing it even with someone you know for a long time could be tad strange, so sharing them with someone you don't even know, could be somewhat a taboo in our country.
However, if you don't want to get a shock when you realise after the wedding that the only thing your husband is interested in, is kinky sex, then a good idea would be for you to discuss sexual matters with him before the wedding.
26. Has he indulged in unprotected sex before?
27. Does he prefer kinky sex or likes to experiment with poses that you would not be comfortable with?
28. Will he wear a condom or ask you to go on the pill?
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Social/cultural/religious issues
These are sensitive issues where you could have completely opposite views… Remember, in these kinds of scenarios, you could find yourself trapped in a very awkward situation after your marriage.
In the Indian scenario, the newlywed wife is often subject to various kinds of superstitions and beliefs. For example, in some cultures it is mandatory for a new bride to make the first meal of the house. If the meal is not good enough, she is the subject of a lot of ridicule for the rest of her married life.
So, obviously, if you cannot cook, then getting married in a family like this is not a good idea.
30. How often does he visit the temple (any place of worship)? Will he expect you to go with him and vice versa?
31. Does he or his family members believe in following certain rituals during your periods? Will you be allowed in the kitchen during your periods?
32. Does his family have specific rituals (pujas and otherwise) that you would necessarily have to be a part of? Is it okay if you are not a part of it?
33. Are the both of you going to live with his parents? Can you live away from his parents after the wedding?
34. Does he drink/smoke? If yes, how much? If no, has he tried it in the past? How long ago?
35. How well does he fit into your family circle? Is he a "party pooper" with your folks?
… Last, but not the least …
Remember, there is no way to be 100 per cent certain about how your marriage will turn out, but if you have the answers to these sensitive questions, you sure can go a long way.
When you get your answers, weigh your choices, reason out with yourself, and only after that, come to a suitable conclusion of marrying the man.
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