How to Write a Romantic Scene

Pre-Planning Your Scene

Consider what you’re comfortable writing. If you’re putting your name on your work, you should think carefully about what you put out into the world. Remember that once a story is out of your hands, anyone can read it. Especially if you’re a younger writer, your parents may be upset if they find out you’ve written a steamy romance scene. Even if you’re an adult, you may still wish to protect your friends or children from steamier romance scenes.

Keep your audience in mind. Who will be reading the story in which your romance scene occurs? Romance scenes can range from innocent first kisses to raunchy eroticism. Whenever you write a romance scene, you have to imagine how your reader will respond to it. If you’re writing a YA (young adult) story for teenagers, you need to consider how comfortable your readers will be with explicit sexuality. Even adult readers may prefer more romance than raunchiness. On the other hand, if you’re writing for an audience who’s come to the story for the bodice-ripping, then you want to give them what they expect from the genre. Many romance publishers have specific guidelines for how "steamy" a romance scene can be, depending on the imprint for which you're writing. For example, romance publisher Entangled has a "Bliss" line that focuses on romance but does not show sex scenes at all, but their "Brazen" line focuses heavily on sex scenes and allows for more graphic writing. If you aren't sure about the appropriate "steam" level, read your publisher's submission guidelines. If you don't have a publisher yet, having a look at guidelines is still helpful, as it will help you gauge your book toward current market trends.

Think about the relationship between the characters. Every romance scene is unique because they occur between two specific characters at a particular time in their lives. Even if you're writing fanfiction about well-known characters from a book or movie, you are placing them into a world of your creation. Spend a long time thinking about these characters and their relationship. What is the baggage in their relationship? How will each of them have imagined this scene before it happened? The more time you spend thinking about how your characters will feel in the moment, the more realistic the scene will be when you write it. Think about how the characters feel about this scene. Are they tense? About to explode from anticipation? Shy?

Set the stakes for the scene. The reader wants the scene to be more than a purely physical interaction. It also has to have some sort of consequence on the plot of the story. Why does this interaction matter to these characters? What will change for them? Are one or both of the characters already entangled in a different relationship? Do they know that they will be separated soon? Does the reader know they will be before the characters know? Should the reader the feeling that the characters will regret this romantic interaction? Is this interaction a way to express feelings that the person isn't otherwise able to voice?

Consider how the scene fits into the surrounding story. You shouldn’t write a romantic scene just for the sake of writing a romantic scene. It should further the development of the plot in a meaningful way. Now that you've considered what's at stake in the scene, spend some time thinking about what will happen after the scene. Consider if there are any details you want to foreshadow in this scene that will make the reader have a stronger emotional reaction later in the story. For example, in many romance novels the romance scenes provide the conflict and ways for characters to grow. A cop who has trust issues might learn to become more vulnerable in the bedroom, or a timid schoolteacher might learn to take charge of what she wants in the romantic interactions.

Writing the Scene

Describe the setting. The setting can almost be a third character in a romance scene. If you can give the reader a clear sense of what's around these characters, you bring the scene to life for them. Before you even begin writing the interaction, spend some time brainstorming the setting. Think about what details the characters may notice before, during, and after their romantic interaction. Consider including a few details that might mirror the romantic mood, but don't get too cliched. In fact, some decidedly non-romantic details might make the scene more realistic. Romantic details might include the soft light at dawn or dusk, the sound of a babbling creek, or the scent of a lavender candle. Less expected, non-romantic details might include the the sound of a child crying in another room, complete darkness that keeps the characters from seeing each other, or the smell of dinner burning in the kitchen. You may want to consider your setting in terms of what is realistic for your characters. Most people don't have time to light candles and get soft background music playing unless it's a really special occasion.

Choose the point of view, if necessary. Your story may be told entirely from the point of view of a single character or narrator. In that case, you don't have a decision to make. But if your story jumps back and forth between different characters' points of view, you have to decide who gets to tell this part of the story. What's important is that you give a full, thorough telling of the experience. For that reason, it's best to focus on a single character's experience, even if you have an omniscient narrator. Jumping back and forth between what your two characters and thinking and feeling can feel clunky and confusing. Present one character's full experience of the scene. If you want, you can show the other character reflecting on the experience in a later scene. Some publishers may require that romantic scenes be presented from both your protagonists' points of view. If this is the case, don't repeat the same actions or events from both POVS. Instead, for example, you can switch from someone doing an action to the other character reacting to it.

Include realistic details. When writing any scene — but especially a romantic scene — you should always think about similar experiences in your life. Even if you've never been in a situation like this, there are little details from different experiences that could bring your scene to life. For example, even if you've only been kissed once, what details were you paying attention to? If you remember worrying about your palms sweating, or that this was a bad song to have a first kiss to, maybe your character can think that too. Readers want to see a scene that they can relate to. If you write something purely imaginative and idealized, it won't feel attainable or realistic to them. If you have no romantic experience, don't fret! Ask your friends about their experience, or re-read and watch your favorite romantic scenes. Use "exaggerated awareness" when considering the scene. The characters should experience the scene in a heightened way so that the readers can, too. Don't forget to use senses other than sight! What smells, sounds, and physical sensations do your characters feel?

Don’t oversell the interaction. Romantic scenes can get out of hand pretty quickly. It's okay to want your characters to be heavily invested in the scene. But if every detail of the kiss is bursting with superlatives (the sweetest kiss, fire running through your veins), there can be no building of tension. Your scene should be like real life: there's a lot of buildup to the moment of greatest tension. Your heroin's bosom shouldn't start heaving the moment the hero enters the room. Maybe she just feels the light heat of flushing skin. If you have multiple romantic scenes in the story, remember that every kiss can’t be earth-shattering. The reader will no longer respond to the description if it’s repeated too often. Just like in real life, there should be many types of kisses: quick goodbye kisses, sweet kisses to the top of the head, lingering kisses, and, yes, earth-shattering kisses every once in a while.

Build tension with pacing. The romantic scene should begin before the characters ever touch each other. You should begin layering the levels of romantic tension before the reader even realizes that this scene will turn romantic. Begin by describing the characters' moods. Even if they're not feeling particularly romantic, the mood adds to the character of the romantic interaction. For example, an angry protagonist will kiss differently from a sad protagonist. Think about how the dialogue will lead to the climax of the scene. What do the characters say to each other that ends up with them locking lips? What setting details might add to the romantic tension? Bring in some of those details you brainstormed earlier.

Avoid clichéd language. The best way to avoid cliched writing is to be able to recognize it. To recognize it, you have to read a lot. Unfortunately, this can't be done quickly. For good writers, reading is part of everyday life year after year after year. Once you've read enough romance scenes, you'll be able to pick up on the language that seems overly familiar. "Earth-shattering," "heaving," "fire," "tingling" — these are all examples of language that a well-versed romance reader will yawn over. You want to present this scene in a way the reader has never seen before. If a description comes to you too easily, there's a chance it's because you've heard it before. Be ruthless! Always look for the most original language. Part of the problem with cliche language is that it's not concrete. Readers want to be able to imagine themselves in the romance scene. Specific, descriptive language is much better than vague, meaningless cliches. For example, "His kiss was earth-shattering" doesn't really say anything about how the kiss feels. Compare to this: "He slid his hands into her hair, sending a spark of electricity down her spine. As their lips met, she sank into the warmth of the kiss with a sigh." See how much more evocative that is of what the character is experiencing?

Use dialogue to develop the scene. In the movies, you might see a romantic scene with no dialogue. But on the screen, the screenwriter has actors giving emotion to everything that’s implied on the page. Without a skilled actor to give body to your intentions, you need dialogue to help the reader imagine what’s going on. The dialogue helps nudge the scene along — it should always serve a purpose. Feel free to write grammatically incorrect sentences. Even if your English teacher would mark it in red, nobody speaks perfectly correctly — especially when emotional. Speak the dialogue out loud, maybe with a friend playing the other character. If the dialogue feels stilted and unnatural, keep tweaking it until it feels realistic.

Develop emotion over physical sequence. You might think readers want to read about the physical kissing and touching, but what they really respond to is the emotion of the moment. The physicality of a romance scene should develop in the service of the emotional arc. Details about what a character’s hands are doing are wonderful, but they should only be included to lead to how they make the other character feel. What are the emotional connotations of rough hands versus soft ones? Kissing a person’s lips versus biting them? Always follow physical descriptions with their emotional repercussions. A good love scene will not be a play-by-play of "then he touched her there, and then she touched him, and then...and then...and then." You want the actions to flow together, but you don't need to narrate every tiny detail. Focus on how the interaction feels to get the biggest impact.