Identifying Problems and Solutions
Determine what is bothering you. There may be one or several things wrong with your boyfriend’s teeth or mouth. Noticing these symptoms can help you learn about the potential causes and consequences of the problem. This can help you convince your boyfriend to see a dentist. Some common problems include: Bad breath Black or rotting teeth Dark receding gums Yellow teeth
Listen to your boyfriend’s complaints. There are some problems that you will not be able to identify by sight alone. If your boyfriend comments about any of these issues, take notice. When talking to him about going to the dentist, you can remind him that he had complained about these issues. Some issues might be: Dry mouth Sore gums Tooth pain or sensitivity If you notice your boyfriend wincing while eating or holding his cheek, you might ask, "Is there anything wrong? Are you feeling all right?"
Research local dentistry options. While some people are afraid of the dentist, there are many techniques that help people relax as they get work done on their mouth. These procedures can reduce pain while making the dentist less of a scary experience. You can let your boyfriend know about these options to encourage him to go. Some dentists offer various forms of sedation, such as laughing gas, pills, or general anesthesia. These help relax patients with anxiety. In many cases, the patient will not remember much of the actual procedure. Some people have had luck controlling pain, fear, and a gag reflex using hypnotherapy during dental visits. You might introduce this topic by suggesting that someone recommended or told you about this new form of dentistry. For example, you can say, "My friend recently went to this dentist who sedated her during her visit, and she didn't feel a thing. Isn't that amazing?"
Encourage him to have good dental practices. As a way to ease him into the conversation, you can start encouraging good practices around him. Not only will this improve his dental health but it may make the dentist less intimidating. You can try carrying dental floss with you, brushing teeth together at night, or buying him dental supplies such as mouthwash, tongue scrapers, and toothpicks. Try offering these things to him as you use them yourself. For example, after a meal, you can pull out some dental floss for yourself. As you do so, you might say, "Do you want any?" When buying him supplies, you might frame it as a suggestion. You can say, "Oh, I love this mouthwash. You should try it. It makes your mouth feel so clean and nice."
Talking to Your Boyfriend
Start by complimenting him. The conversation should begin on a positive note. Sit down with your boyfriend, and assure him that you care for him. Remind him of his good qualities before stating that you want to talk about his health. You can say, “Honey, you know that I love you, and I think you are an amazing person with so many good qualities. Which is why we need to talk about your health. I think you need to see a dentist.”
Tell him the problem directly. It is best to state the issue outright. Do not dance around the subject or try to mask it. Let him know that you have noticed the problem and that for his own health, he needs to take care of it. You can say, “You have been complaining about tooth pain for weeks now, and I can see that one of your teeth is turning black. It’s time for you to get it checked out by a dentist.” You might even say, “Your bad breath is starting to become a problem. It’s hard me to want to kiss you when it is so strong. I think you might have an underlying problem that you need to have checked out.”
Explain that you are not criticizing him. Your boyfriend might become defensive. Perhaps he thinks you are criticizing him or maybe he is insecure about his teeth. Either way, you should assure him throughout the conversation that you are concerned about his health first and foremost. You can say, “I still love and care about you. I just want what’s best for you.” You might also say, “I’m concerned about your wellbeing. I don’t want you to be in pain because of this problem.”
Find out why he doesn’t want to go. Many people are afraid or anxious about visiting the dentist. Your boyfriend may be scared or uncomfortable. He may also be concerned about the cost of dental care, or he may simply think that it is a frivolous visit. Be sensitive to his reasons. Ask him gently why he does not want to go. You might say, “Is there any reason in particular you don’t want to go?” If he is nervous about visiting the dentist, you can find him a dentist that will give him sedation during the visit. If he is worried about the expense, you can say something like, “It is far more expensive to have an emergency root canal than to fix a cavity” or “We will work something out to afford it. I will chip in to help cover the cost.” EXPERT TIP Joseph Whitehouse, MA, DDS Joseph Whitehouse, MA, DDS Board Certified Dentist Dr. Joseph Whitehouse is a retired Board-Certified Dentist and the Former President of the World Congress on Minimally Invasive Dentistry (WCMID). Based in Castro Valley, California, Dr. Whitehouse was a dentist for 47 years. He has held fellowships with the International Congress of Oral Implantology and with the WCMID. Published over 20 times in medical journals, Dr. Whitehouse's research focused on mitigating fear and apprehension for patients associated with dental care. Dr. Whitehouse earned a DDS from the University of Iowa in 1970. He also earned an MA in Counseling Psychology from California State University Hayward in 1988. Joseph Whitehouse, MA, DDS Joseph Whitehouse, MA, DDS Board Certified Dentist Expert Trick: If your boyfriend is scared to see a dentist, have him call beforehand and talk to the dentist about what he's scared of. The dentist can explain all of the procedures and let him know there's nothing to fear.
Inform him of the consequences. Some people believe that dental visits are just for cosmetic purposes, but there are real dangers to neglecting your mouth’s health. You should emphasize what could happen if he does not take care of his problem. This logical approach might work best in convincing him to go. You might inform him that: Cavities or cracked teeth that are neglected can spread down to the root of your tooth, requiring a painful and expensive root canal. The tooth may also have to be removed. Sensitive teeth could be a sign of a fractured tooth. The first stage of gum disease (called gingivitis) is reversible, but once it develops into periodontal disease, it becomes a lifelong condition that can cause your teeth to fall out. Bad breath could be caused by many medical conditions, including gum disease. Dental health might be connected to other health problems, such as diabetes and heart disease.
Encouraging Him to Go
Let him choose the dentist. Your boyfriend might be anxious about a dental visit. Letting him pick the dentist might help ease his anxiety. If you are worried about him forgetting to do this, you can sit down together to research local dentists together. You can use a review site, such as Yelp or Health Grades, to find a highly rated dentist in your area. You can call your general practitioner or local oral surgeons for dentist referrals as well.
Offer to make the appointment for him. To make sure that he actually follows through, you can offer to call the dentists’ office for him. If he agrees, he should give you some times and dates when he is available. Once the appointment is made, he is much likelier to actually go. You can say, "Would it help if I set up the appointment for you?" If he wants to make the appointment himself, gently remind him every few days. You can say, "When is your appointment for the dentist?" or "Have you made that appointment yet?" Do not make an appointment for him without his permission first.
Go with him. Ask your boyfriend if he wants you to tag along during the visit. If he has a dental phobia, your presence can help him relax. Some dentists may even let you into the suite to hold his hand during the cleaning and check-up. You can offer, “Do you want me to come with you to your appointment? I can be there with you and make sure everything is all right.”
Give him music. Another way to help calm him during his visit is to give him relaxing music to listen to. Load his music player with his favorite music. When he is sitting in the chair, he can listen to it through his headphones.
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