Be friendly, not creepy. Making an overtly sexual remark will only creep your partner out, and may get yourself blocked. Keep the R-rated comments out of the chat room. You don't have to throw all your compliments out of the window. Just use them wisely and avoid anything that's physical.
Don’t just say “Hi.” Remember, the idea behind Tinder is to match with as many attractive people as possible, and to find someone in that pile that you can get along with. If you want to stand out in someone’s pile, you’ll have to say something more interesting than a regular old greeting. “Hello” is impersonal and uninteresting, and you’re unlikely to get a response back. There's nothing worse than a cold open.
Pay attention to their profile. You can probably say something that catches their eye if you ask them something about their interests or comment on a quote that they’ve included in their bio. Something as simple as “It says on your profile that you went to Stanford? That’s a gorgeous place. What did you study?” will show that you’ve paid attention to their profile, as well as taken a personal interest in them.
Ask a question. Engaging someone in a conversation is much easier if you give them something to say. In the above example, if you only said, “You went to Stanford? That’s a gorgeous place” and ended your message there, your match will have little to say other than “Yes, it is.” By finishing off with a question about their life, you can express your interest, as well as naturally start a conversation and come off as a sincerely nice person.
Avoid yes-or-no questions. Open-ended questions will tell you more about the person, as well as give you more material to work with when following up with their answer. “What movies do you like?” will be much more conducive to having an engaging conversation than “Do you like comedy films?”
Leave the compliments until later in the conversation. This is particularly true if you are a man talking to a woman. Compliments may help you woo someone, but it’s more practical to start a conversation first before you start talking looks. Many women, even on dating apps, are easily off-put by comments on their physical appearance, even if they are markedly nonsexual. Your match is likely used to being bombarded by inappropriate comments from men she hardly knows. You will want to distance yourself from these people as much as possible. Strike up a friendly conversation before letting her know, “I just want to say that you have a gorgeous smile.” Even a benign, vague compliment such as a comment about someone’s smile or eyes will seem personal and intimate if you precede it with a friendly, interesting conversation.
Don’t keep talking about yourself! It’s alright to answer any questions about yourself, or offer your own parallels (you went to Stanford? That’s great, I went to Duke), but you want to engage the other person as much as possible. The easiest way to do that is to ask questions about their life. This will show that you have a genuine interest in them.
Talk about any mutual friends or interests. Asking how they know so-and-so can help forge a connection between the two of you, as well as tell you something about their history as well.
Pay attention to their language. It’s much harder to gauge someone’s interest over Tinder, when you can’t assess their body language or tone of voice. Still, you can get a pretty good idea of how they feel about you by how they respond. If they’re giving you one word answers, or are barely answering your questions and offering little else to the conversation, they’re likely not too interested in talking to you. On the other hand, if they’re truly engaged in the conversation and providing long responses, as well as asking you questions about your life, chances are that they’re interested in you too. If someone doesn’t respond to your message, they’re not interested. Don’t message them persistently. Generally, you should go by the “he’s just not that into you” rule: if someone seems like they’re not interested, they’re genuinely not interested. Move on.
Comments
0 comment