If you like them
This might be the perfect opportunity to make a connection. A drunk text with some flirty undertones signifies that they’ve finally worked up the courage to try and tell you how they feel. If you’ve been crushing on this person, there’s nothing wrong with leaning into what’s happening and flirting back. You could try: “Oh no, the most handsome boy/beautiful girl in my life got lost in the sauce!” “If this is you drunk texting to flirt, let me tell you… I’m so in.” “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and landed in a giant pool of vodka?” Just keep in mind that if they’re hitting you up for a late-night booty call and you flirt with them now, they may cross a line you don’t want them to cross. If you want to take things slow, this may not be the move.
If you want to hang out
A drunk texter is usually down to meet up with you. People who send drunk texts usually do so because they miss the person they’re texting. They may want to hook up or just invite you to a party they’re at. If you’re down to meet up with them right now, you might reply: “What are you up to right now? You trying to turn up?” “Who are you with right now? My friends are I are trying to hang.” “You home? If you’re pouring it up I’d love to come join.” Don’t suggest this if they mention they’re home and you don’t want to hook up with them. It’s going to send a mixed signal. If you do want to hook up, go for it, though!
If you want them to admit how they feel
A drunk texter will more readily admit they’ve got the hots for you. If you like this person but they just won’t take the plunge and tell you how they feel, this is a good opportunity to push them in the right direction. Hint that you might like them with a playful emoji and ask them why they’re hitting you up. You might respond: “Is there a reason you’re texting me specifically tonight ????” “Your drunk texts are really cute. Is there something you’d like to tell me?” “Hmmmm. Drunk text? Late at night? Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind ????”
If you find this funny
Drunk texts can be delightful, and there’s no shame in having fun. If you like the person texting you and they’re not sending you anything rude or forward, have fun with them a little! A drunk text convo can be a great way for you two to build your bond and have something to laugh about in the morning. You might reply: “You seem like you’re having fun. Is there something you want to tell me there, bud?” “Uh oh, it looks like you overdid it on the beer tonight. This is going to be fun ????” “I cannot wait to see how you bounce back from this in the morning.” “On a scale from ‘very’ to ‘quite a bit,’ how drunk you right now? ????”
If you’re intrigued
If it’s unclear why they’re texting you, keep it short and sweet. While it’s (very) possible they’re texting you while drunk because they like you, it’s also possible that they’re just trying to talk or tell you something funny. Don’t point out that they’re drunk and don’t send any massive paragraphs back. Just reply and let them type their heart out! If they text you something like “Whattt are u upv to?” you might say, “Not sure yet, what’s up?” or, “Not a whole lot. You?” If they’re texting you something like, “Omg I’m at t he bar adn ther’es someone here u kno,” you could reply, “Oh yeah, who?” or, “Who is it? How did I come up?” This is sort of an exploratory way of figuring out why they’re texting you, but it also kind of lets them off the hook a bit in the morning. If you don’t want to make a big deal out of this, just text them like you normally would and ignore the silly drunk stuff.
If you’re confused
Send them a question mark if their texts are illegible. The problem with replying to a nonsensical drunk text with anything substantial is that you don’t really know what’s going on in their head and they may take you the wrong way. They’ll respond to you and you can figure out what you want to do from there. You can also reply with a simple, “Huh?” or “What?” if you prefer. You can also just send a gif of someone raising their eyebrows and looking confused. A single ????, ????, or ???? emoji can also do the trick. If their follow-up text is more nonsense, you might as well just not reply and wait for the classic, “Oh man, I don’t even remember texting you, I’m so sorry” text in the morning. If their follow-up does make sense, you can reply using another option here if you do want to keep talking to them. Just remember, they’re probably pretty deep in the bottle.
If you want more information
Calling them to hear their voice will let you know just how drunk they are. There’s a world of difference between “so wasted I can’t stand” and “enough of a buzz to say how I feel.” Unfortunately, it can be hard to figure out where they’re at on this scale over text. If you want to hear their voice to get a vibe check, just call them. They’ll pick up if they’re coherent enough to actually interact, and you can decide whether you want to keep flirting or shut them down from there. You might call and say: “Hey, are you okay? You’re texting me some really weird stuff.” “Sorry, I’m a little busy and can’t text right now. What’s going on?” “Hey there drunkie! I don’t feel like texting right now, but I’m down to chat.”
If you feel like throwing shade
A (not too) friendly jab may get them to stop pestering you. Drunk texters are notorious for being a little too forward. If they’re getting close to a line you don’t want to cross but you aren’t quite mad at them yet, throw out a snarky little reply. Bruise their ego, but don’t break it. They should get the message and you can play it off like you were just having some fun with them. You may say: “Oh, a drunk text! That’s fun. I wouldn’t try to make your move here, though.” “Ugh. Another late-night drunk text. How original.” “I’d ask you what you’re up to right now, but I don’t think you could pronounce it.” “It’s nice that you were thinking of me, but I wasn’t thinking of a drunk 2 am text…”
If you aren’t in the mood
You don’t need to engage on their level if you aren’t into it. Sometimes a drunk text from a person you like can be more of a curse than a blessing. If the Mr. or Ms. Smooth in your life is a bit of a miserable drunk, you may not be interested in talking to them right now. But that doesn’t mean tomorrow is off of the table! Send them something like: “I enjoy talking to you, but not like this. Why don’t you text me in the morning?” “I’m sure you’re having a good time, but I’m going to bed.” “I’m sure you think this is a good idea, but I assure you, it is not.” “I’d much rather chat when you’re sober. Text me tomorrow.”
If they’re being rude or aggressive
You don’t owe them anything if they’re crossing a boundary. Whether they’ve sent you a photo of themselves that you don’t particularly appreciate, or they’re just being a little aggressive with their language, don’t let it go. If you want them to stop, say so. You could reply: “I don’t appreciate what you’re doing right now. Stop texting me.” “You’re going to regret this in the morning. You’re better than this. Please stop.” “I appreciate that you’re interested in me, but I need you to stop talking to me this way.” You can always block their number if they don’t stop. Do not put up with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
If you don’t want to engage
Don’t respond and wait for the morning if this isn’t a good look. Most drunk texts are coming your way after a reasonable person would be in bed. If you don’t know what to say, or you kind of don’t want to engage with them right now, just leave them on read. They’re 100% going to text you in the morning and apologize or explain themselves. When they do text you the next day, you can choose how you want to respond. If they kind of irked you, tell them they hurt your feelings. If you thought it was funny, poke fun at them.
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