- The advantages of marriage include financial and legal benefits, such as the ability to jointly file taxes and acquire your spouse’s Social Security or disability benefits.
- The disadvantages of marriage include high divorce rates, marriage dissatisfaction, and financial strain that may occur from overspending or the high costs of raising children.
- Talk with your partner about things such as how you’ll manage your finances and your individual views on having kids before deciding to get married.
Pros of Marriage
Relationship legitimacy Many people choose to get married because they want a sense of formal commitment to their partner. In the eyes of the state, you and your partner are signing a contract that legally binds you for the rest of your life. To your friends and family, getting married is a public declaration of your love for and commitment to your partner. In the case of same-sex couples, many reported wanting to get married because they felt it would add a sense of legitimacy to their relationship.
Legal benefits There are many legal benefits that come with getting hitched. Estate planning benefits, including inheritance rights, and government benefits like Social Security and disability benefits are all things that will be easier to receive once you’re married. You might also have better access to employment benefits, such as getting insurance through your spouse’s employer. Spouses are protected under the law from disinheritance. In other words, your spouse automatically has the right to inherit your assets when you die simply because they’re married to you. Your spouse might also be able to receive payments from your Social Security retirement benefits. Spouses and other family members may also be eligible to receive a payment of up to 50% of a person’s disability benefit amount.
Financial benefits Married couples generally have more assets than those who are divorced or have never been married. One study found that married Americans had more than twice the average assets of divorced people and those who had never been married. Married couples are also considered a single taxable unit, so you could end up paying less in taxes. You could possibly receive a marriage bonus when you and your spouse file taxes with your newly combined income. This happens when one person’s income is significantly higher than their partner’s. The tax brackets for married couples are much wider, so there’s a better chance that your combined income won’t put you in a higher tax bracket. In addition to this, married couples might be able to get some extra benefits when it comes to making big purchases. For example, married couples can combine their car insurance policies under just one insurance policy and pay lower premiums.
Better physical and mental health Spending the rest of your life with the one you love is also beneficial for your overall health. Being in a committed relationship has been linked to lower cortisol levels, and research has shown long-term partners are more likely to survive the first 3 months after surgery than single patients. People in committed relationships are also more likely to lead healthier lifestyles since they have someone to cheer them on. This might be eating a healthier diet, exercising more, or refraining from smoking and drinking. Being in a loving relationship also gives many people a greater sense of purpose. A study also found that married men and women between the ages of 65 and 85 had a longer total life expectancy than unmarried men and women.
Good environment for raising children Children who grow up with married parents are generally provided with a lot more economic and social resources to help them flourish in life. A stable family structure and income provides children with a nurturing environment to grow up in and more opportunities to pursue higher education. For example, if both you and your future spouse are working, the combined income may allow you to move to a better school district, pay for more extracurricular activities, and fund your child’s college tuition. People who decide to marry may also have a stronger commitment to raising children and may be more involved in their children’s lives. Married parents tend to have a more affectionate and consistent parenting style.
Wedding planning Aside from all of the legal and financial benefits, getting married is also a time to celebrate. If you’ve been planning the perfect wedding and party in your mind for the longest time, this is your opportunity to make your dreams come true. It’s also a time to gather with friends and family and celebrate the beauty of your love with your future spouse.
Cons of Marriage
High divorce rates In the United States, about 50% of marriages end in divorce. Demographic factors such as a person’s education or financial status have been shown to contribute greatly to this high divorce rate, but things like stress and a fear of commitment even after getting married are also major factors. When it comes to education, women who have earned at least a bachelor’s degree have a 78% chance of staying in their marriage for 20 years. On the other hand, that likelihood drops to 41% for women with only a high school diploma. A 2009 report from the University of Virginia's National Marriage Project estimated that a couple with no assets was 70% more likely to divorce within just 3 years compared to a couple that had $10,000 in assets. Some couples may be very happy and excited during that initial honeymoon phase. But that can quickly fizzle out as they become overwhelmed when they realize the realities of marriage and the long-term commitment they’ve signed themselves up for.
Out-dated institution The concept of marriage isn’t quite what it used to be. At one point in time, getting married, settling down, and having kids was the natural order of things. However, as more resources and opportunities become available to people, such as higher education and more advanced careers, a lot of young people are putting off marriage or rejecting it altogether. To some, marriage is no longer the sole means of succeeding and finding happiness in life. Most Americans consider it acceptable for people who aren’t married to live together. Many find marriage to still be important but not necessarily essential for living a fulfilling life.
Financial strain While there are a lot of financial benefits that come from getting married, there are also a lot of financial burdens that come along with marriage. In fact, a 2005 survey found that 28.4% of people cited financial problems as their reason for divorce. This includes things like having a partner who spends too much, not being able to make ends meet, having to take care of in-laws, and the costs of raising children. There is also a chance that you could actually pay more in taxes when you’re married compared to when you’re single. This is called a “marriage penalty,” and it usually applies to couples who earn similar incomes.
Disapproving in-laws Having to deal with difficult in-laws is a very real issue for some couples. There are some cases where one of the couple’s family members disapproves of the marriage, which can cause a lot of stress and feelings of isolation or loneliness. It may even cause a rift to form between you and certain family members. There’s also a chance that you and your in-laws may not see eye to eye on more sensitive topics like politics, religion, or cultural customs. Even though you might’ve just taken the big step of getting married, your in-laws might also put a lot of pressure on you and your spouse to do even more, such as buy a house and have kids.
Marriage dissatisfaction For some people, there’s a fear that when the initial honeymoon phase wears off, their relationship won’t be what it used to be. Unfortunately, marital distress is a real problem that leads to many couples’ divorce. Certain distressing events can lead to a breakdown of communication, more frequent arguing, and even infidelity. Events that are more likely to cause martial distress include: Having a child for the first time Children becoming adolescents A child leaving home Substance abuse Gambling Lack of financial resources Loss of employment
Loss of individuality This doesn’t mean that you completely lose your sense of self once you get married. However, you will have another person to take care of, and this may cause you to unconsciously put your own wants and needs on the back burner. There are also some stereotypes and social expectations that come along with marriage, such as assigned gender roles within the household. These are all things that may cause you to lose a bit of your individuality after getting married. A way to make sure that you and your partner are both prioritizing your individuality is to establish healthy boundaries about things you want and don’t want in your relationship and marriage. For example, you might ask for shared responsibility when it comes to financial decisions, or equal division of household chores so it doesn’t all fall on one person. Another example would be establishing boundaries about setting aside time to pursue individual interests and hobbies.
Expensive wedding costs As fun as planning a wedding may be, the reality is that wedding ceremonies and parties can be quite expensive. As of 2021, the average cost for a wedding in the United States was around $22,500. This included the costs for things like the rent for the venue, the rings, a photographer, a videographer, catering, and flowers. While this isn’t the highest average of all time, it’s still quite steep for someone who might be a bit tighter on money.
Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married
Why do you want/not want to get married? The pros and cons listed in this article can all act as reasons why someone might be for or against marriage. Take a moment to reflect on why you personally want to get married or stay in your current relationship with your partner. Then, ask your partner about their feelings regarding marriage. If you two aren’t seeing eye to eye, sit down and talk to one another about your different opinions. Instead of trying to convince one another to give in, do your best to compromise on a solution that will make you both happy. For example, maybe your partner doesn’t necessarily want to get married, but they’d be okay with having a commitment ceremony where you two can make your relationship official in front of your friends and family without legally binding yourselves to one another.
Can you see yourself building a life together with this person? This is probably one of the most important questions to ask yourself. Instead of just thinking about right now, think about what your relationship will look like a year from now. Then take it further and think about 5, 10, and 15 years down the road. Can you see yourself living a happy and fulfilling life with your partner? Ask yourself if you think you and your partner are truly compatible. Look at your individual views on things like religion, politics, and culture. Do you have a lot in common, or do you tend to argue about most points?
Do you and your partner have similar views on finance? Financial decision-making is a huge part of marriage, especially if you and your partner ultimately decide to combine your finances. However, conflict may arise if you and your partner have vastly different spending habits and methods for managing your money. Before you decide on marriage, sit down with them to discuss the logistics. Ask things like: Will you have joint or separate bank accounts? Are there any debts, assets, or expenses that you have yet to discuss? Will you both have an equal say in financial decisions? Or will one person take on more responsibility? Should you create a household budget to manage your combined finances better?
What are your thoughts on having children? Of course, your answer can definitely change over time. However, it’s good to have a general idea of where both you and your partner stand since having kids is another big decision that can affect your dynamic as a couple. For some people, having kids is a large reason why they get married. If you both have very different opinions, it might be worth it to discuss the possibility of having kids before deciding to get married.
Can you get along with your partner’s family? When you get married, your partner’s family becomes your family. You’ll likely be seeing a whole lot more of them, so ask yourself if you’re able to get along with your in-laws and maintain a good relationship. For some people, that might not be a problem at all. For others, they may not totally see eye to eye with their in-laws, so the idea of getting married might be a bit more daunting.
Are you and your partner capable of working through issues together? Unfortunately, the reality is that problems and arguments will pop up from time to time. The question is, are you and your partner able to handle these issues in a healthy way? Take a few moments to reflect on how you’ve resolved conflicts in the past. Do you have a healthy method of communicating with one another? Are you able to speak honestly about things that are bothering you? If not, it might be best to work on these things before rushing into getting married. Your personal commitment to your marriage and your partner is extremely important. Think about if you’re willing to push through the rougher patches to make your marriage work and keep both you and your partner happy.
Can you deal with any bad habits your partner may have? Things like alcoholism, substance abuse, and gambling certainly don’t affect all couples. However, if your partner struggles with any of these issues, are you well prepared to help them and deal with any stress that may come with such habits? While it may be easier to ignore these problems, it’s best to address them early on so that you have a better chance of dealing with them successfully. Similarly, if you yourself are struggling with something like addiction or alcoholism, are you willing to admit this to your partner? Do you think they’ll help you live a healthier lifestyle?
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