Identify and acknowledge your fears.
To overcome your fears, you need to know what they are. Denying your fears or trying to sweep them under the rug won’t do any good—they’ll end up resurfacing when you least expect them. Instead, take some time to contemplate the things you’re afraid of and write them down in a journal. Once you’ve identified your fears, you can start working on a plan to address them. Here’s a list of common fears to help you brainstorm: Talking to strangers Public speaking Asking someone out on a date Sharing your emotions with others Confrontation or standing up to people Crowds Closed spaces Heights Storms Snakes and/or spiders
Make a plan to face your fears.
After identifying your fears, it’s time to confront them. Make a plan to gradually introduce the thing you’re afraid of into your life, so that you’ll become desensitized to it. When you avoid situations that make you afraid, it just perpetuates your fears. On the other hand, when you face your fears and live to tell the tale, your brain learns that there’s actually nothing to be afraid of. For example, if you’re afraid of socializing with strangers, start by challenging yourself to say “hello” to one stranger during the day. This could be the person next to you on the bus, the barista who made your coffee, or someone riding the elevator with you at your workplace. The next day, you could challenge yourself to talk to two new people, or to go beyond a simple “hello” and keep the conversation going. After doing this for a period of time, your challenge might be to attend a party where you’ll need to converse with a lot of strangers. This would mark the final step to facing your fear.
Change your perspective on courage.
Courage isn’t just a trait you’re born with—it’s a skill you can cultivate. If being courageous doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t despair! Try to think of courage like a muscle—with training and exercise, it can grow stronger. It may be helpful to cultivate a growth mindset, rather than a fixed mindset, to solidify this message. When you have a fixed mindset, you believe you were born with a fixed set of skills and abilities, which leaves no room for change or improvement. A growth mindset, on the other hand, means you believe your skills and abilities are always evolving, and that you have the potential to grow and improve. This will help you believe that it’s possible to become more courageous, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you.
Cultivate a positive mindset.
Work on using positive self-talk. If your inner voice is overly self-critical, it can keep you from facing your fears and becoming more courageous. When you catch yourself thinking a negative thought, try to challenge it and replace it with a more positive one. This will help you feel more confident and ready to take on the things that scare you. For example, you might catch yourself thinking something like, “I don’t know how to do this new task at work. I’m afraid I’m going to fail.” Try to replace this negative thought with a more positive one, such as, “This is an opportunity to learn something new and show my boss I’m capable. It’s okay if it takes a few tries to get it right.” You can also recite positive affirmations like, “I’m courageous” or “I am brave enough to face my fears.” Repeating empowering phrases such as these will help you believe them.
List your strengths to build your self-confidence.
Take some time to identify your strengths and attributes. This will help you feel more confident and capable, which makes you more likely to take courageous action. Take some time to brainstorm your positive traits and write them down in a list. Here are some examples of things you could write: “I have a great work ethic, which makes me a stellar employee at my workplace. “I’m super resilient, and I always push myself to keep going in the face of hardship.” “I’m understanding and empathetic, so I can connect with all kinds of people.” I have an awesome memory, which makes me a great student.
Get comfortable with the idea of making mistakes.
A fear of failure can keep you from being courageous. If you’re constantly afraid of looking foolish or coming up short, you’ll be less likely to take chances and go after your goals. To combat this, remind yourself that failure is a completely normal part of life, and that it may even be beneficial because it gives you the chance to learn from your mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up when you fail, practice self-compassion. This means recognizing when you’re struggling and being kind to yourself in those moments. Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one if they were in your position. What encouragement would give them? How would you offer your support? Now direct these kind words toward yourself. Remember, you deserve the same compassion that you would show to others!
Practice mindfulness.
A mindful lifestyle can help you let go of your fears. Mindfulness involves being fully present in the current moment. This practice can help you manage all kinds of negative feelings, including anxiety and fear. When you have these feelings under control, you’re more likely to take risks and act courageously. Try doing mindful meditation to get started: Find a quiet, distraction-free place and sit comfortably. Close your eyes and breathe deeply, focusing your attention on how it feels to inhale and exhale. Direct your awareness to your bodily sensations, and try to stay in the present moment. If you find yourself becoming distracted with other thoughts, bring your attention back to your breathing. Continue meditating for however long you’re comfortable with. If you’re a beginner, it may be best to start with a short 5-10 minute meditation.
Make a habitual effort to get outside your comfort zone.
Step outside your comfort zone on a regular basis. This is a great way to make courage a habit, rather than an isolated instance. Doing something you don't normally do helps you cope with the unexpected, which is where fear often springs from. If you train yourself to do this on a regular basis, you’re more likely to perform courageously when life throws you a curveball. You don’t have to go skydiving or climb Mount Everest to get out of your comfort zone. Small challenges work just as well! Sign up for a dance class, start learning to crochet, say “yes” to an invitation you’d typically turn down, ask your crush out on a date—the options are endless.
Open up to others about your fears.
It can be super helpful to talk your fears out with someone you trust. If you’re having trouble building up courage on your own, it’s completely okay to ask for help! A family member, friend, or licensed therapist can help you explore the root causes of your fears and anxieties. They can also help you come up with a game plan to overcome them. If you know someone who works with a therapist, ask them for a referral. You can also check online directories to find a therapist.
Find a courageous person to look up to.
A courageous mentor can help you build up your own bravery. Identify a courageous person in your life, and ask to meet with them. Let them know that you admire their bravery, and that you’re trying to cultivate courage in your own life. Ask if they would be willing to support and mentor you in this endeavor, and be sure to genuinely thank them if they agree!
Surround yourself with supportive people.
Cultivate strong relationships with caring and encouraging people. It’s easier to be courageous when you have a strong support system. You’ll be able to draw strength from them in times of hardship, which reduces stress and amps you up to face your fears.
Take time to celebrate your courageous actions.
Celebrate every time you act courageously. Whether you worked up the courage to ask someone out, try out for the school play, or ask your boss for a promotion, your wins deserve to be celebrated! This helps build your self-confidence and reinforce your ability to overcome your fears. Your reward could be a physical treat, like ordering your favorite takeout for dinner, or a mental treat, like taking a break from human interaction and binge-watching a show on Netflix.
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