Faking it: Are you a pretender?

How often have you heard the line, 'Fake it 'til you make it'?

It's recommended behaviour. We're supposed to pretend until we are the real thing.

I recently was at a conference and listened to a motivational speaker. He told people how happy he was, how successful he was. He boasted of his Porsche, his million-dollar mansion, and hauled his young, blond wife on stage to show her off as one of his trophies. The audience was ecstatic.

All except me, that is. Because my teeth were on edge and all I could think of was, "Fake, fake, fake!"I could see the whole thing for what it was: a class act. It wasn't real. This was not a happy man, not a kind man. I could feel that deep down he was troubled, angry, and deceitful. What about caring for others? Is it acceptable to fake kindness, or love?

Seth Godin, a well-known blogger suggests that 'pretending you care' is an acceptable alternative to showing that you don’t. Is it really? He goes on to say: "If people start out pretending to care, next thing you know, they actually do care. They like the positive feedback and they like the way being kind makes them feel. It spreads. It sticks."

That's the theory of 'fake it 'til you make it': at first you pretend, and then it turns into the real thing.