How to Make a Comeback in Life

Making a Comeback Plan

Face what went wrong. Write down wherever things went wrong, so they are laid out in front of you in black-and-white. Be honest about what really happened instead of making excuses. Sometimes it's harder to face a situation that was outside your control than when it was something you caused by your own procrastination or bad decisions. Other people find it harder to accept that they may have contributed to the disaster or caused it. A comeback starts with needing one. Of course, not everything that went wrong in your life may be your fault. Maybe you fell into a drug addiction or acted poorly in a relationship, but it may also be true that you didn't grow up in a supportive environment or were just a victim of plain bad luck. Don't blame yourself for things that weren't in your control, and learn to accept the bouts of bad luck and to work against them, instead of using them as excuses for your present situation.

Learn from what went wrong. Even if it was just bad luck, there are ways to cushion the loss -- if you wind up in the situation again. If you failed a university exam, what was the problem? Did you get distracted or not study the material? Did you over-study, freeze up at the exam and forget everything due to anxiety? Were there major distractions in your life, like breaking up with a long-term relationship? Ask yourself these questions without judging the answers. You are not looking for excuses to blame other people; give that up right at the start. That's the last option - it was someone else's fault. If it turns out that it was, then you have to re-evaluate your priorities and that relationship. Did a friend, parent, partner constantly interrupt your studying with demands for attention? How can you learn to hold your boundaries so this doesn't happen next time exams come around?

See if you need to reconsider your goal. Though this may seem like an extreme idea, before you make your comeback plan, it may help to reconsider the direction you want your life to follow. For example, does college matter to a career you might be happier in? Would you be better off with shorter, specific training in an apprenticeship or trade school? If you're a physically active person and could be as happy/fulfilled doing something with visible results: scholarly or office work may not be as good a life choice as construction, electrician work, heating and air, plumbing, automobile tech or forestry. Change the approach: your comeback does not need to go in the same direction as the trial that failed. Life is trial and success/or error (not failure as such). That means failed trials are only that -- that trial failed, like law-/med-school was not for you. If you went into law school because you were politically passionate, maybe activism, campaign advising or lobbying is a better choice for how to accomplish your long term goals.

Ask yourself what you can do about what went wrong. What changes can you make in your life that will reduce the chance of this happening again? If it was a natural disaster, you may purchase emergency supplies and keep them more accessible so that if it does happen again, you have necessities at hand. If it was a job loss or a breakup, sort out what you can do to prevent the same thing happening in your next job or relationship. Maybe one of the things that went wrong were the people or situations that were weighing you down. Reevaluate your relationships and see if there are any toxic friendships or relationships that are keeping you from being the person you want to be. If that's the case, you may need to cut ties.

Decide your priorities and choose your goals. Once you're informed about what went wrong and why, it's time to start mapping out your comeback. The map is not the terrain. Your plans can change as you go along, you'll meet obstacles and also run into unexpected runs of good luck and opportunities no matter what direction you take. If you know what you want and understand more or less how to get it, then it's easier to start making short term goals to get where you're going. Don't worry if you don't have a perfect 10-step plan for success. It may be something harder to map out like, "Find my true calling," or "Love myself more." Just start with a few steps that you know will make the situation better. As you move forward in your comeback, you'll have a better sense of what you really need to do to be successful. The most important thing is that you take action. Though "actions speak louder than words" may sound like a cliché, it's absolutely true. You can say that you're going to make a comeback all you want, but until you take that first step to get there, your words won't mean a thing.

Talk about your plan with a supportive friend or family member. Talking to someone who was not part of the situation is best. Especially someone who has endured a similar problem. Almost flunking out of school may be salvageable. Talk to older students who made it through the same hurdles you faced and listen to their strategies. If it's a breakup, find out what others think of how you behaved and how your partner did - that may have some surprises. Your friends may have seen your problem coming long before it happened. Talking it out with someone who cares about you can help you feel like you really can make your comeback, and can give you some great advice along the way. Talking to others about your plan can also make it more likely that you will achieve it. If you actually tell people that you want to turn your life around, you'll be more likely to do it, because you'll feel accountable to them. That way, you'll feel like you're letting yourself and the people who care about you down if you don't follow through.

Make some resolutions. These should follow naturally earlier steps. Make time in your life for these resolutions, perhaps by allocating a few evenings a week to staying in with the books. Sometimes flat decisions and willpower work. Other times you need to rearrange your life to make it easier to keep your resolutions. If you turn off the IM function on your computer while studying, you won't get drawn into long conversations with friends till the study session is over. Your comeback plan can be built from a series of baby steps. You won't be able to turn around in a day, but making small, incremental changes in your life will lead you to success. One of the best ways to sustain willpower is to give yourself small rewards for any success, however minor. Every time you do study, mark it off on a scoreboard. Tracking success in small steps with small, frequent self-rewards is one of the most effective ways to accomplish anything. Think about how a game is structured - how often you get points for how much effort and time while playing. If you structure your rewards at the pace of your favorite immersive game, it can have the same effect on changing your habits!

Give up your bad habits. You have real reasons for any bad habits you have. Understanding what needs and desires the bad habits fulfill can be the key to trading them in for good habits. Your favorite video game may be more emotionally rewarding because it provides more treats - points, win screens - than studying. Supplying the scoreboard for studying and pacing the rewards so it's a little easier to get them than it is to get them in the game can help counter that. If you eat too much to comfort yourself and become overweight, think of other things that comfort you and indulge in those instead. Every bad habit fulfills real needs, so your task is figuring out ways to fulfill those needs without hurting yourself or anyone else, in ways that help you achieve your goals rather than hold you back.

Find people who'll support you through this. Parents and good friends are usually a good bet. Remember not to turn to anyone who got you into this situation, though! Give less time and attention to people who hold you back. Getting mad at them is giving them time and attention. It's better to use that anger energy as "I'll do it. I'll show them" rather than confronting them. Anytime you achieve something on your list, you can talk to them about how good it feels to take the next step forward. Of course, there will be setbacks on the way to your comeback. This is only natural. That's why it helps to have people to talk to about your plan, through the good and the bad.

Hold your head up high and refuse to believe anyone who thinks you can't make a comeback. You can. You are the only one who can create your comeback. You succeeded before, so you have proof that you can succeed. The more honest with yourself you are, the easier it is to choose the best direction. The best direction is the one that will give you joy in the journey, when real passion fuels your effort and the process is so much fun you'd do it even if you weren't working toward a goal. While you're working toward your goals, remember to enjoy the journey. Don't treat it as a struggle, but as an exciting adventure that will be filled with many ups and downs, which will ultimately take you to where you need to be.

Staying Strong

Maintain a positive attitude. It's important to stay upbeat and energetic as you move toward your comeback. Though this may seem impossible, especially if you're coming from a really bad place, the more you work on facing every day with a smile on your face instead of feeling beat up or complaining, the more likely you'll be to get what you need. Instead of complaining, talk about the good things in life, the ones you are looking forward to. Though it's okay to vent once in a while, dwelling on the negative aspects of your life will only make it harder for you to overcome them. Spending time with happy, upbeat people can also help you keep your own attitude positive. If you spend time with someone who only sees the worst in any situation, you are much more likely to feel the same way.

Keep your confidence up. Of course, it's easy to be down on yourself when you have to rebuild your whole life, but you have to remember the things you love about yourself, not just the ones you need to work on. Though it's important to recognize your flaws and to work on the ones you can work on, it's also important to remember all of the reasons you love yourself, and all of the things that make you awesome. Make a list of all your positive traits and the things you excel in. Work to make that list longer and longer, through your words and deeds. One way to boost your confidence is to do the things you're good at. Nothing will make you feel better than excelling in something that you've committed to. True self-confidence comes from trusting yourself and knowing that you can handle any situation or obstacles you encounter. Though building up true confidence can take a long time, it never hurts to project confidence even if you're not feeling it. Stand tall, keep your head up high, and look straight ahead of you instead of down at the ground. Keep your hands at your sides, leaving yourself open to possibilities instead of closing yourself off from new interactions. The more you "fake it," the more likely you are to feel it.

Be accountable. It's important to be accountable for your actions and for the past mistakes that got you to where you are today. Once you own up and recognize the places where you went wrong, you'll be able to move forward more quickly. If you insist on blaming the world for 100% of your problems, then you won't feel like you have the means to go about fixing them. If you're accountable for the negative aspects of your life, then you'll feel accountable when you earn the achievements and the positive goals.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Though it's important to be accountable, it's equally important to treat yourself with care and forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, and you shouldn't think you're a failure or a loser just because you went down the wrong path. Treat yourself with sympathy, kindness, and compassion, and you'll see that it'll be much easier to move forward. If you're down on yourself, it'll be nearly impossible to feel confident and positive, and this will keep you from achieving your goals. Being self-critical is not the same thing as blaming yourself. Critique is helpful - it's looking at why you do what you do and seeing whether something else would work. It's sorting out the problem. Blaming yourself is just pointless self-torture, you're already in pain but that's not going to motivate you to do something different. Blaming yourself or others leads to a vicious cycle where it can all happen again. If it's happened more than once, really pay attention to that possibility.

Apologize to anyone you've hurt. It's important to right old wrongs before you can fully move forward. Think about anyone you might have wronged or hurt during your downward moments. Make an effort to apologize to those people, in person or in writing, and to tell them how sorry you are for what happened. They may not fully forgive you, or they may not believe that you're really going to change until you prove them wrong, but this is a step to making a change for the better. It'll be harder to move on if the guilt about hurting others is weighing you down. Though it may be hard to make a clean break from your past, apologizing to people you've hurt is a step in the right direction and will keep you feeling strong.

Help others. You may feel like the last thing you are capable of is helping another person when you can barely get your life back in order. But if you feel ready to stand on your own two feet and are in the throes of your comeback, take a moment to slow down and reach out to a person in need. This could be a friend who is having an even harder time than you, a neighbor who is feeling lonely, or even an adult who needs help learning to read at your local library. Helping others will not only make a difference in their lives, but it will make you see that you do have a lot to offer to the community and the world at large.

Face what you have lost. This takes a bit of courage to begin with but the freedom you gain afterwards is tremendous. By facing what you have lost you begin to realize what is truly important in life because you are being truthful with yourself and that is a very powerful thing, you also begin to take much better care of your needs because of it. It also sets you on the right path to gain.