How to Heal From Rape and Sexual Assault (Rape Trauma Syndrome)

Surviving the Acute Phase

Know that this was not your fault. No matter how it happened, nothing you did caused someone else to rape or sexually assault you. Do not be afraid of telling people for fear of being blamed. It was not your fault. Your body belongs to you and only you. Rape and sexual assault can happen to anyone, anywhere. Men are victims, too. You never asked for it, no matter what you were wearing, and you're not alone. Being forced into sex or being sexually assaulted by someone you are on a date with is still acquaintance or date rape. It doesn't matter if you know them and are dating them. You can be in a regular relationship with someone and still be forced into having sex against your will, even if it's not a violent act. More than half of all rapes are by someone you know. Drinking alcohol or taking drugs is not an excuse for someone to rape you. Intoxication loosens inhibitions and can increase violent tendencies. Drugs and alcohol can also decrease your ability to get help. Regardless of who was drinking or taking the drugs, there is still no excuse for sexual assault. If you are a male and you had an erection during the assault, do not be ashamed or feel guilty as if you enjoyed it. An erection is simply a natural physical reaction to stimulation even if you didn't want it and didn't enjoy it. You were not asking for it.

Call for emergency help. If you are in immediate danger or are seriously injured, call emergency services. Your safety is the first priority. In North America, call 911.

Do not shower, wash up, or change your clothes. You naturally will feel the need to get any trace of the perpetrator off of you but it is important that you wait. Any bodily fluids or traces of hair left on you from your assailant can be used later as evidence, if you decide to press charges. Washing your face, body, or clothes can remove vital evidence.

Get immediate medical attention. Go to the hospital and inform the staff you have been assaulted and tell them if the assault included vaginal or anal penetration. If you permit them, specially trained staff will conduct a “forensic exam” and use a “rape kit” to collect hair and fluid samples for forensic evidence. Their training ensures that they are sensitive to your feelings and needs in this terrible time and they try to make the process as bearable as possible. You might need to be tested and/or treated for sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. Treatment might include emergency contraception and prophylactic medication to prevent sexually transmitted infections.

Inform staff if you suspect you were drugged or assaulted while under the influence of alcohol. If you suspect a date rape drug was used, try not to urinate until you get to the hospital, as they will request a urine sample to test for Rohypnol and other date rape drugs.

Call a help line. In the US, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or online and their specifically trained staff can guide you on where to go and what to do. In Canada, call the hotline for your province found here. Many sexual assault centres provide trained staff to accompany you to a hospital or medical appointment so you don't have to go alone.

Consider calling the police to report the incident. Informing police can bring your perpetrator to justice and prevent him or her from harming anyone else. If you suspect you were drugged, save any cups or bottles that you drank out of, if possible. Drug testing may be conducted to confirm use of the drug and provide evidence that can be used later. The most common date rape drug is not Rohypnol – it's alcohol. Tell the police if alcohol or drugs were involved. Even if you willingly drank alcohol or took drugs before you were assaulted, it is never your fault. Informing police also has the psychological advantage of helping you transition from victim to survivor.

Don't hesitate to act if time has passed. Even if the rape occurred more than 72 hours ago, it is still important for you to contact the police, a help line, and a medical professional. Evidence of bodily fluids is best collected within the first 72 hours of the assault. Even if you are not sure you are going to press charges, get the evidence collected so it is there if you need it.

Hold on through the emotional trauma. You have gone through an event that will likely cause shock, depression, anxiety, fear and hypervigilance, and nightmares. This is normal and it will get better. Survivors also feel guilt and shame, suffer disturbed eating and sleeping patterns, and have trouble focusing. The trauma that rape and sexual assault survivors experience is a specific kind of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Understand you will have physical symptoms. You might be suffering pain, cuts, bruising, internal injuries, or irritation from the assault. These are painful reminders but they will pass. Take it easy physically for a while, until the pain and bruises heal. Try having a hot bath, meditating, or other stress relaxation techniques that work for you.

Adjusting Outwardly

Expect a period of denial and repression. Denying and repressing your feelings is a completely normal part of the second phase of healing, which is called the Outward Adjustment phase. These actions serve significant important roles in the coping and healing process. A survivor often goes through a phase of acting as if the sexual assault had no effect on her life and it was just a bad sexual experience. This act of denying and repressing is called minimization and is a normal response to help you carry on in the short term.

Try to get on with life for a while. A survivor needs to restore a sense of normalcy in her life. This part of the Outward Adjustment phase is called suppression and allows you act as if the assault didn't happen, though you still have turmoil inside. Just like the minimization part of this phase, suppression allows you to carry on in the short term.

Talk about it, if you can and want to. You might feel the need to talk about the assault and how you feel non-stop, to family, friends, help lines, and therapists. This is a normal coping technique called dramatization but that does not mean you are making a “drama” out of nothing. You may feel like the trauma has taken over your life and is changing your identity, especially if all you can and want to do it talk about it. It's normal to need to get it out.

Allow yourself to analyze it. Sometimes, a survivor needs to analyze what happened and try to explain it to herself or others. You might even put yourself into the shoes of the perpetrator to see if you can imagine what he was thinking. This does not mean you are empathizing with the perpetrator or somehow excusing his behaviour, so you do not need to feel guilt if you find yourself going through this phase.

Don't talk about it if you don't want to. You have the right to not talk about the assault if you don't feel like it, even if you know family and friends are just trying to help by suggesting you talk about it. Sometimes, survivors may even change jobs, move cities, or change friends to avoid emotional triggers and talking about the incident. Not every survivor feels this need. This part of the phase is called flight because some survivors feel the desire to run away from their pain.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings. The depression, anxiety, fear and hypervigilance, nightmares, and rage you experience are all normal symptoms of having been sexually assaulted. During this time you might be reluctant to leave the house, have trouble eating and sleeping, and withdraw from people and society.

Reorganizing Your Life Over the Long-Term

Let the pain flow. In the third and final stage of rape trauma, survivors often find the memories of the event flooding back and can no longer repress it. This is where the healing really begins. You might be having flashbacks so intrusive that they disrupt your life. These are normal post-traumatic stress and rape trauma reactions.

Know that it gets better. This is often the stage where survivors feel overwhelmed, suffer flashbacks, and contemplate suicide. As horrible as these feelings are, this is when you can begin to instead integrate the past into a new reality and carry on. You will at some point accept that the rape was part of your life and you can move forward.

Involve family and friends. This is the time for you to regain your sense of safety, trust, and control, and you need to be in contact with others for this to happen. Choose when, where, and with whom you share your experience of violence. Be with people who are supportive and set limits by only discussing what you feel comfortable discussing. You have the right to tell whomever you want about your assault. Perpetrators sometimes threaten future violence if you talk about it but the only way they can be stopped is if you do talk about it.

Get support from a professional. A counselor specially trained in dealing with rape and sexual trauma can be an empathetic person to help you work through your emotions. You can find counselors through sexual assault support centres such as RAINN and the Canadian Association of Sexual Assault Centres. A Certified Clinical Trauma Professional CCTP) can help assist with processing and healing from the event, as well as help the victim navigate what to do, who to tell, and understand what options are available to them as they process what happened to them. There are also specific group therapy meetings and even online chat rooms for survivors. Find what works for you.

Give yourself time to heal. It may take several months. It may take several years. Over time, you will be redefining yourself, your worldview, and your relationships. Be kind to yourself and don't expect to heal overnight.

Get help with pursuing court charges and legal action. If you are unsure of what to do next, call your local crisis centre for assistance. Their staff are trained to guide you through the process and can attend meetings and appointments with you if you want. You do not have to press charges if you do not want to. Police can also warn the perpetrator to try to prevent him from doing it again. You may be entitled to financial assistance for some of the expenses associated with missing work, going to court, getting counselling and more. Check with your local crisis centre for more information. Many crisis centres have links to pro-bono, or free, legal aid specifically for survivors of sexual assault. At these centres, support workers may also be available to accompany you to meetings with lawyers or to court.

Know the law. Sexual assault is not subject to a statute of limitations, which means that even if your assault occurred months or years ago, you can still report it to the police. If you choose to press charges against the perpetrator and you had received medical attention soon after the assault, there is a good chance that evidence was collected. If the doctor or nurse used a “rape kit” or did a “forensic exam,” there is evidence safely stored on file that police can then examine.