Avoiding Falling in Love
Don’t fantasize about the future. One of the best parts of falling in love is envisioning the future you’ll share with your loved one. Do not let yourself spend even a moment imagining your shared future. Live only in the present and the moment you find yourself unable to do this, pull the plug. Avoid scheduling out your time together. Try to plan your meet-ups day of so they’re more impromptu and less routine. If you find yourself fantasizing about your friend with benefits, you may not be in the correct emotional space to pursue a relationship like this.
Don’t share too much emotionally. Telling your friend with benefits your biggest secrets and making yourself vulnerable to them can only result in you feeling closer to them. This will make it that much harder for you to maintain the distance and separation you need to make this relationship work. Talk about fun things, like books, movies, music and work. Treat your friend with benefits like a co-worker or acquaintance that you don’t know very well.
Keep jealousy out of the equation. You and your partner are both human, so it might be inevitable that some jealousy emerges during your relationship. It’s very important to communicate about the feelings you’re having, otherwise, your friendship will fail. When you or your partner start getting jealous, have a conversation about whether this relationship is still working for you. Recognize that your jealous feelings may mean you have fallen in love, and if so, get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
Give yourself some space. It's easy to fall in love with someone when you see them every day, so a good way to keep from falling in love is to limit the amount of time you spend with a sexual partner. The longer you go without seeing a person, the easier it becomes to stop obsessing about them. Giving yourself space also includes other forms of communication. Don't call them or reach out to them online. To get yourself through the separation, trying exercising or giving hugs. Exercise increases your dopamine levels and touch increases the oxytocin in your system, which will make you feel happier and calmer.
Focus your energy elsewhere. A great way to keep from falling in love is to become too busy to even think about it. Throw your energy into your work, or your hobbies. Concentrate on getting into shape or learning a new skill. Do whatever it takes to keep your mind occupied on yourself and not on the person you're obsessing over. Dating a new person is also a great way to get your mind off of someone else. When you feel yourself starting to go down the love rabbit hole, force your mind to think of something else.
Creating a Healthy Friend with Benefits Relationship
Find a sex partner. Finding the right person for a casual sex relationship is harder than it might sound. You need someone you’re sexually compatible with, who is also looking for a no strings attached relationship. You can meet your sex friend anywhere: at a bar, at the bank, in a class. Look for someone you’re sexually attracted to, but wouldn’t consider dating long-term. Try not to pick someone you’re already close friends with. Introducing sex into your friendship might derail an already good relationship.
Develop a rapport. Don’t just jump straight into sex – take some time to get to know the person and make sure you’re compatible as friends, too. Taking time to hang out without sex will also give you time to communicate what you’re looking for from this relationship. Be honest from the beginning that you’re not looking for anything serious and that you’re only looking to keep things casual. State your needs clearly and directly. In most cases, you will be more effective if you beat around the bush less. If one of you has feelings for the other, then it’s time to break off the relationship. Relationships like these only work when both partners are on the same page. Remember to make a proposal and define the terms of the relationship. Discussing your expectations is important. How often will you see each other? What are the expectations in the friendship and with the sexual relationship? Can you see other people at the same time? How can you ensure everyone’s safety from STDs if so? Getting as specific as possible will help eliminate confusion, mixed signals, and potential problems or fights in the future.
Treat your partner like a friend you just happen to have sex with. Don’t try to introduce romance into the relationship. Don’t plan dates or introduce them to your friends or family. By creating distance, you satisfy your sexual needs, without adding pressure from the other people in your life. Don’t spend time talking or stressing about emotions. Over-thinking the relationship will only cause it to implode. Keep it lighthearted. This relationship exists for you to have fun and let off steam. Don’t make it any more complicated than that.
Don’t ask questions about their other relationships. A friends with benefits relationship is not exclusive, so your friend will probably continue seeing other people (as will you). Don’t talk about these other relationships – they’ll distract from what you have going and may result in hurt feelings. Don’t take it for granted that you’ll be asked to spend the night. Be cognizant that you both have other things going on. Understand that as other relationships come and go, you may see each other less. This is completely normal.
Know when it’s time to get out. A friends with benefits relationship may only work for a certain amount of time and that’s okay. Knowing when it’s time to break off the relationship is important for your mental health and happiness. If the sex stops being good or fun, that’s a sign you should end the relationship. If one of you enters into an exclusive relationship with another partner, then it’s time to end the relationship. If you’ve stopped enjoying each other’s company, then it’s time to end the relationship. Do not try to upgrade your friend with benefits to boyfriend. Don’t hold on to something, just because you’re scared to lose it.
Having Great Sex
Be honest about what you want. Since your relationship is primarily sexual in nature, it’s important to have the best sex you possibly can. One easy way to do this is to be honest about what you’re enjoying and what you can live without. If you have any sexual fantasies, share them with your partner. He may be willing to try things with you that previous partners passed on. Make sure you reciprocate. Don’t be a selfish lover – give as much as you’re getting.
Practice good hygiene. Just because your sex friend is not your boyfriend doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make an effort. Brush your teeth, wash your hair, and take a shower before showing up. Make the same effort you would make for any other sexual partner. This courtesy should be extended both ways. If you feel your sex friend isn’t making an effort for you, it may be time to end the relationship. Don’t feel like you have to dress up the way you would for a first date. You’re not trying to impress your sex friend, you’re just practicing common courtesy.
Be sexually adventurous. Some people feel hesitant to explore certain sexual urges, especially with long-term romantic partners. Your friend with benefits is the perfect person to try new things with, so be open to experimenting. Don’t rely on old favorites - change up your sex position each time you have sex. Try having sex somewhere other than in the bedroom, on the bed. Experiment with toys and role playing.
Practice safe sex. The best sex is sex free from worry – be open and honest about your sexual health and make sure your partner does the same. Have your partner wear a condom to protect against possible STDs. Continue to use the condom, even if both of you have recently been tested. Your relationship is not exclusive, so it’s important that you protect yourself as much as possible. Do not do anything you and your partner aren’t comfortable with or haven’t talked about. Make sure everything is consensual and everyone feels safe.
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