How to Forget a Guy

Thinking Healthy Thoughts

Give yourself time to get over him. If you really want to forget a guy, then the first thing you have to do is give yourself time for a mourning period. As silly as it sounds, the sooner you admit that you need some time to be on your own, to think about what happened, and to deal with your emotions, the sooner you’ll be able to move on. Whether you dated the guy or just really, really liked him, you should let your emotions loose and admit that you’re not going to be okay for a little while. This doesn’t mean you’re being weak by any means. In fact, it takes strength to admit that you’re not feeling so strong. Let your friends know that you’re upset. There’s no need to fake happiness, which will take up more of your energy anyway. If you don’t feel like going for a while, that’s fine. Though you shouldn’t wallow by yourself for too long, there’s nothing wrong with staying in for a few days – or a few weeks. Write your feelings down in a journal. This can help you deal with your emotions without sharing them with the world.

Focus on the bad qualities when you think of him. When you’re trying to forget a guy, it’s easy to romanticize the situation and imagine that the guy was absolutely gorgeous, hilarious, brilliant, and generally amazing instead of facing the reality of the situation. If you’re trying to forget him, then chances are that he’s a jerk or that he’s just not right for you. So, the next time you think about his killer smile, remind yourself of the mean things he said to you or picture him in that terrible leather jacket he insists on wearing. Make a list of all of the terrible things about the guy if you have to. Carry it around with you and look it over any time you’re feeling weak. If you really think that the guy is perfect, then chances are that you don’t know him very well after all.

Remember why you’re not with him. There must be a pretty good reason why you’re not together. Maybe he cheated on you. Maybe he wasn’t that interested to begin with. Maybe it turned out that you just weren’t as compatible as you hoped. Or maybe you felt passionately for each other, but you couldn’t spend more than ten minutes in the same room without fighting. Whatever the reason, it must have been a good one, so remind yourself that there’s a perfectly good explanation for why you’re not together. Any time you feel like you really need him, just remember all the bad times you shared together. Do you really want any more of that? It’s easy to look at the past with rose-colored glasses and to tell yourself that you and the guy were absolutely perfect together. In reality, there must have been many less-than-ideal moments that you spent together, or you’d still be standing hand-in-hand, wouldn’t you?

Let go of regret. You may be feeling regret for a number of reasons. Maybe you wish you had been a better girlfriend. Maybe you wish that you had let the guy see that you liked him as much as you did. Maybe you think you were too distant and that the guy lost interest. Whatever you think you did wrong, chances are that it’s all in your head. And even if you really did make a mistake, it’s too late to go back and fix it, so don’t waste your time worrying about it. Look at it this way: maybe you made some mistakes with this guy, but you can’t go back into the past to change them. However, it wasn’t for nothing – you can learn from these mistakes and feel more mature and level-headed when you enter your next relationship.

Forget those bitter feelings. Bitterness is another negative feeling that will only make you miserable, angry, and devoid of compassion. You may be feeling bitter because of how it ended, feeling like you were mistreated, or just thinking that you have horrible luck in life and that everything is unfair. You know where those feelings will get you? Absolutely nowhere. So kick those bitter feelings to the curb whenever you feel them creeping up. Learn to recognize those bitter feelings. Whenever you feel one bitter sentiment coming on, fight it with at least three positive thoughts. Sure, you may be thinking of something horrible the guy did to you, but fight that feeling by remembering three amazing, unforgettable things that your friends or family members have done for you recently. You can always find something to be happy about if you try hard enough.

Remind yourself that you deserve someone better. Repeat this like a mantra. You may be having a hard time forgetting the guy, but that doesn’t mean he deserves you. You are an amazing person and deserve someone who treats you like the valuable, beautiful, unique woman that you are – not someone who treats you like dirt or ignores you. You deserve someone who you’re not trying to forget. Even though you may think that you and the guy deserve each other, once you have more distance, you’ll see that you can do so, so much better. It can take a long time to realize that you deserve someone better, and you may even feel offended or annoyed if your friends keep telling you this if you don’t see it. Sometimes, you won’t see what you deserve until you enter a new healthy and supportive relationship with a guy who is worthy of you (after getting over the first guy, of course).

Pump yourself up. If you’re trying to forget a guy, then you’re probably not feeling like a rockstar. You may think you’re ugly, fat, stupid, unworthy, or just plain boring. These feelings are perfectly natural, but that doesn’t mean they are accurate at all. Don’t let whatever the dumb guy did bring you down, and remember to love yourself on your own terms. Think about the things you loved about yourself the most before you met the guy – can you return to them? Make a list of your favorite qualities and show them off. Build your confidence up until you see that you are an amazing person, whether you’re with the guy or not.

Be grateful for what you do have. If you just ended a relationship or a tricky situation for a guy, then your first impulse probably won’t be to be thankful for all that you have. However, this is precisely what will get you out of that same negative mindset and what will make you remember all of the wonderful things that your life has to offer. Make a mental or physical list of all of the things you have to be grateful for: your family, your friends, your health, your opportunities, your surroundings, your pet cat, Mr. Snookums. Pretty soon, you’ll see that your life is pretty great, even if the guy isn’t in it. Write down all of the things you have to be grateful for and add to your list whenever you think of something new. Read over the list every now and again whenever you need to cheer yourself up. You’ll see that your life is well worth living without the guy, and he will slowly fade out of the picture.

Cutting Him Out of Your Life

Stop talking to the guy. You may think that the mature thing to do is to continue to hang out with the guy at parties, to text him when you think of something funny that reminds you of him, or even to grab an awkward lunch with him once every week or two. While trying to form a friendship after your heart has healed can be a good move, trying to stay in touch with the guy when you’re still in pain is only going to prolong the hurt and will make you take twice as long to get over him. Take his number out of your phone if you have to. Be polite if you see him in the same place, but don’t go out of your way to make conversation. Avoid places where he’s likely to be if you can.

Stop talking about him, too. You may think that you’re doing a great job of forgetting the guy because you’ve stopped talking to him and haven’t seen him for a while, but if you’re still constantly talking about him, then you’re not helping yourself move on. It can be a great relief to share your sad feelings with a close friend, but if all you do is mope about the guy to every person you see, then you won’t be any closer to forgetting him. And if you see mutual friends or people who know him, avoid the temptation to ask how he’s doing. What good will that do you?

Avoid anything that reminds you of the guy. Though you shouldn’t drop everything if absolutely everything you do reminds you of the guy, do as much as you can to avoid the triggers that are more likely to make you think about him and feel sad. Put away that Macklemore CD he gave you for your birthday and avoid going to baseball games after school if you know he’ll be there watching too. Don’t go to your favorite coffee shop or restaurant if all you’ll do is think of all the fun times you’ve had there; instead, go somewhere new. Know your triggers and make a plan to move around them. Take a different route to school to avoid the place where you had your first kiss if you have to.

Don’t stalk him on social media. Avoid the temptation to click on his Facebook profile every fifteen minutes to see if someone posted a new photo of him with his arm around some new girl who is way less hot than you. Even if clicking on his Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram profiles is leading you to nothing but his boring commentary on how terribly his football team is doing this season, just seeing his face and reading his words will make it harder for you to forget all about him. If you can’t resist the urge to see what he’s up to every time you turn on your computer, then you may have to try to steer clear from social media for a while. That will do you good, anyway – you can clear your head and focus on living in the moment instead of obsessing over what all of your friends are up to.

Get rid of his belongings. If you have any of the guy’s stuff, however insignificant it may feel, give it back to him as soon as you can. Put it in a box and drop it off at his door. Leave it in front of his locker or car. Have a friend drop it off if you don’t want to make any contact. Alternately, you can just toss it in the trash – why should he get his favorite Lakers hoodie back if he’s treated you like a jerk? As for anything he gave you – in the garbage it goes. If it’s too painful for you to get rid of his things, then have a good friend help you do it.

Avoid him at social events for a while. Though you shouldn’t hole up in your mope cave if you have all of the same friends or social circles, you should try to avoid social events where he is likely to be. Sure, you can both go to a party or the school dance, but if you know he’s sitting on the other side of the room, you won’t be able to forget him, will you? Take a break for a few weeks and hang out with your friends when he isn’t around. If you’re ready to be social, find a way to be social without him being there. If you have the same group of friends, see if you can be mature and “take turns” hanging out with them; sure, talking about this is a little awkward, but it’s better than having to hang out with him and feel like someone is driving a stake into your heart every time you make eye contact.

Change your environment as much as you can. The sooner you break out of the old pattern, the sooner you’ll be able to start forgetting about the guy. Redecorate or rearrange your room. Take a weekend vacation. Spend time in a new coffee shop on the other side of the city. Make an effort to go to a new place or to feel like you’re in a new place, so that your mind can begin to regroup and so you can break out of the same old habits. Even sitting in a new seat in class or walking down a new path on the way home can help you break your pattern of thinking.

Finding Peace on Your Own

Spend time with your friends and family. Find comfort from the people who love and care for you the most. Once you’re ready to be out and about, or at least starting to feel like holing up in your basement and listening to The Cranberries may not be the best idea, make a point of spending time with your loved ones. Help your mom do some chores or go to the movies with your best friends. Invite an old friend out for lunch. You don’t have to go out to a huge party or a large family event if that makes you feel overwhelmed. Start small, find the comfort in spending time with the people who know you the most, and gradually start to spend more time with the people you love. You may even feel like you should spend more time socializing than usual. That’s great, if you’re up to it – spending more time with your friends will make you forget the guy faster.

Spend more time pursuing your passion. It’s simple. The more time you spend doing what you love, the happier you’ll be. Maybe you’ve let your favorite hobby or interest fall by the wayside; maybe you’ve lost sight of your dreams. Well, pick those up and start putting in extra hours working on whatever you really care about – whether it’s a play, your plan to be an actress, or the beginning of your career as a teacher – and you’ll feel better much more quickly.* Get lost in the thing that you love and see how much more quickly you forget the guy. If you don’t have a passion, this is the perfect time to find your passion. Use some of your free time to try something completely new and out of your comfort zone and see if you’ve found a new interest that captivates you.

Learn to love your alone time. You may dread all of the time that you have to spend by yourself because it makes you feel even more prone to feelings of sadness and longing, but you have to change that. If you want to feel whole again, then you have to cherish the time you spend by yourself instead of waiting for your next social or work engagement. Though it’s good to plan to be a bit busier than usual if you know that being alone will make you sad, you should get to a point where you cherish that “me time” and enjoy being on your own and doing exactly what you want to do – instead of worrying about the guy. Plan dates with yourself and do something relaxing and fun. Take a hot bath, watch your favorite movie – the one that everyone thinks is too corny anyway – and relish the fact that you can decide exactly what you want to do. You won’t be ready to fully get over the guy or find someone new until you truly find peace on your own.

Exercise. Exercising will give you a little endorphin kick, keep you from wallowing, and will generally make you feel happier and healthier. Making a plan to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day, whether you’re taking a group yoga class, running, or playing basketball with some friends, will make you set a firm schedule, feel more active, and get over the guy more quickly. When you’re busy working out your body, you won’t have time to worry your mind over the guy. If you’re just sitting still all day, you’ll be much more likely to keep thinking about him. You can also switch up your routine and get a great workout by trying a form of exercise you’ve always wanted to try. Have you been eyeing that rock wall at your gym? Wishing you knew the rules to tennis? Try out something completely new – it can help you get out of your funk.

Get out of the house as much as you can. Just making an effort to go outside instead of sitting inside watching that Law and Order marathon all day will make you feel happier and healthier. Breathing fresh air and feeling the sun hit your face is much better than feeling the light from the microwave oven, isn’t it? Even if you feel like getting out of the house is the absolute last thing you want to do, force yourself. Read at a local park instead of in your bed. Walk to a coffee shop to get your afternoon caffeine kick instead of making coffee at home. Make sure you leave the house at least once or twice a day if you want to start forgetting the guy.

Enjoy the single life. If you want to forget the guy, then you should really enjoy being single – not just go out and get drunk with your girlfriends and then come home sad at the end of the night. You can drink and party once you’re feeling up to it, but not before, or it’ll only make you feel worse. Have fun flirting, going on casual dates, or just hanging out with the girls for a while. All of these things will help you forget the guy. Don’t jump into a relationship with the first person you see right away or you’ll just suffer again. Rebound relationships almost never work.

Love again when you’re ready. Once you feel that you’ve really forgotten the guy, are happy being on your own, and have a life that is fulfilling and meaningful to you, then it’s time to open yourself up to love again. Don’t be disappointed if it takes months, or even a year or more, for you to truly get over the guy and move on. It’s better to deal with your feelings than to be in denial. Once you’re ready to love, open your heart, keep a positive attitude, and get excited for what the world has in store for you. You’ll see that all of the pain you went through to forget the guy was worth it – you’ll know that you came out stronger on the other side.