How to Apologize to Your Girlfriend

Apologizing Through Words

Think about your apology and really get to the bottom of the problem. Anyone can say they are sorry, but not everyone can mean it and back it up with a solution. Be aware that your girlfriend might expect you to think about your actions and/or words for a while before apologizing to her. Before you issue your apology, have solid answers about: Why you did what you did, or said what you said, to upset her. What aspect of your personality that comes from. How you plan on fixing it so that neither you nor your girlfriend will have to go through the pain again.

Start off with a simple, blunt "I'm sorry." Don't hem or haw, or try to apologize without actually saying "sorry." Your girlfriend probably wants to hear those exact words, so be prepared to say them up front. Reader Poll: We asked 455 wikiHow readers about the most effective ways to heal a relationship after a tough argument with a partner, and 82% agreed that apologizing and taking accountability for your actions are key. [Take Poll]

If she asks you to leave, tell her you want to apologize. Tell her you really want to fix the problem and get your relationship back on track. Don't yell or talk over her; you may frighten or upset her and make things worse. If she seems really upset and doesn't want to handle your apology right now, leave. Ask her if you can give her a call in a couple days.

Calmly explain to her the reasons behind your actions. If you thought about the problem (Step 1), you should have a pretty good idea about what and why you did wrong, and how you can fix it in the future. Example: "I know I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have lied to you or your parents about my age. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I didn't want you or them to not trust me because I'm older. I really care about you and your parents, so I plan on apologizing to them directly. I understand if you or they are still mad at me after this." Example: "I shouldn't have looked at Stacy the way I did. I know that she's your friend, and I'd never do anything to jeopardize my relationship with you or your relationship with her. I don't have an excuse for my actions, only an explanation: lots of guys look at girls. Now that I know it really bothers you, I'll try my hardest not to make the same mistake again." Example: "I apologize for calling you that name — I'm not even going to repeat it. It was wrong and degrading. I recognize that. I shouldn't have gotten worked up, and I shouldn't have let that slip. I realize that you might change your opinion of me based on that, so I'm going to try to do everything in my power to make it up to you."

Give her time to respond. Let her ask you all the questions she needs an answer for. Respond truthfully. A couple of things to keep in mind as you let her grill you: Don't shift the blame. Even if you're not the only one who's at fault, it's not a good idea to blame her. Your apology won't work if you do that. Let her express how angry, disappointed, or upset she is. Don't try to convince her not to be; she has a right to. It'll make her feel better. Don't try to show her affection at this point — it's probably still a little too early. That means no kisses, hugs, or hand holding unless she starts it.

Tell her you'll give her time if she needs it. Reiterate your apology again briefly and walk away if she wants time alone. Respect the way she wants to do things.

Apologizing in Different Ways

After you've given the verbal apology a try, use other methods if she still hasn't forgiven you. Sometimes, you'll need to give her several apologies before she accepts that you're truly sorry. That's okay; the more thought and effort you put into your apology, the likelier she is to forgive you.

Write a letter of apology. Give it to her in a romantic way, such as hidden in a nice bouquet, or delivered personally by one of her best friends. The letter can say something like this: Example: "I know that a letter can't fully make up for what I did. I also know that a letter won't fully capture how I feel and what I have to say. What I do know is that I messed up. I can't imagine not being with you. You're who I dream of when I go to bed, and who I think of when I wake up in the morning. You're everything. Nothing I do now will make up for what I did, but I can tell you that I'll never make that mistake again. I promise from the very bottom of my heart."

Depending on the girl, try a public apology. Be careful, because some girls hate other people knowing all about their relationship. Use your discretion before a public apology. Consider this, too: she might feel like you are using public pressure to force her to forgive you, as in "Oh, how could Sarah not take him back? Look how sweet he is to her!" It might ultimately be better to keep these things between you as a couple. Go for the straightforward public apology. Just go up to her when she's with a group of friends, have something prepared, and bare your heart. Look her deeply in the eyes when you apologise, and focus your attention solely on her. If you're feeling really creative, try using a flash mob to apologize to her. Flash mobs require a lot of work and preparation, so be sure it will work if you do decide to pull it off.

Leave flowers, chocolates, or stuffed animals at her home or workplace. Girls love these three things. Be sure to write a short message to her; flowers and chocolates without a message apologizing again takes a lot of the emotion out of it. Remember, you want emotion!

Write a song apologizing and post it on YouTube. Songs about missing people, having wronged people, or just songs about guilt and shame would work too. Of course, any song that has significance to you as a couple would be nice. You could try changing some of the lyrics to fit the situation. Alternately, make her a mix. A mix is a little less personal, but with the right care and thought, it can help you get your message across. Pick both songs you know she loves and songs you think she hasn't heard.

Write a poem apologizing to her. Leave it for her, or record yourself saying it on her answering machine. Make it heartfelt and very emotional if you can.