How to Apologize to Your Best Friend

Preparing to Apologize

Take responsibility for your actions. Before you can make an effective and sincere apology, you must forgive your BFF for his/her role in the fight. Once you set aside your hurt feelings, you can stop justifying your own negative actions. Recognize that you made a mistake, acknowledge that your actions were harmful, and take responsibility for your words and deeds.

Gather your thoughts. Fighting with your best friend is stressful—you are likely experiencing a range of emotions, from anger to remorse. Writing your thoughts down on paper can help you process your emotions. Once you have completed your list, read through your notes. Highlight the positive comments that you should share with your friends and strikethrough invidious statements.

Write and practice your apology. Finding the rights words to apologize with is extremely challenging. Instead of winging it, use your notes to craft your apology—you can write out a complete statement or jot down a few bullet points. Practice reciting your apology a few times to you feel confident and comfortable with the material. Revise any parts that sound spiteful or awkward. Once you've made the revision, read through your apology again. You may have to write, read, edit, and re-read the apology several times before you get it right. If there's someone else who is aware of the situation, consider asking them for advice, but also take it with a grain of salt. Not all advice will be good.

Ask your BFF (best friend forever) to meet with you. When possible, it is always best to apologize to someone in person. When you are face to face, you and your BFF have the benefit of seeing each other’s facial expressions and body language, which will decrease the risk of misinterpretation. Contact your BFF, express that you want to apologize, and set up a time for the two of you to meet in private. Don’t wait too long to contact your friend. If they aren’t willing to meet, ask again in a few days. Send an email or hand-written letter if they continue to reject your invitation. If they can't meet in person, but still want to talk face-to-face, consider a video chat.

Apologizing to Your BFF

Express remorse for your actions. Sincere apologies are rooted in empathy. When you apologize to your best friend, there should be truth behind every claim you make. If your expression of regret is hollow, your friend may not accept it. Tell your BFF that you are deeply sorry for hurting and or inconveniencing them. ”I am so sorry I hurt you.” I feel horrible that I took advantage of your kindness.”

Accept responsibility for your actions. Communicate to your BFF that you accept full responsibility for your actions. Do not place the blame on anyone else, especially your BFF. Do not make any excuses for your behavior. ”I recognize that I treated you poorly.” ”I realize that I instigated our argument.” ”I know that this is my fault.”

Make restitution for your actions. State that you intend to make up for your actions. Your statement of restitution will depend entirely on the nature of your behavior. You may promise your BFF that you will never repeat the behavior or that you will work towards reforming yourself. ”I will never _____ again.” ”I will start going to therapy.”

Ask for forgiveness. After delivering your sincere apology, humbly ask your BFF for forgiveness. Let your best friend know that you value your relationship with him/her. Express that you will do your best not to hurt your friend in the future. You may find it helpful to reiterate the key points of your apology. ”Please forgive me.” ”I hope you can forgive what I’ve done.” ”Can we move forward, please?” ”Is there any chance we can get beyond this?”

Moving Forward

Listen to your BFF’s response. Following your apology, give your BFF the opportunity to respond. Let them express their anger and frustrations, and their pain and discomforts. Do not interrupt them with defensive comments; do not force them to share the blame with you. Maintain eye contact with your BFF. Lean forward to signal that you are engaged in the conversation. Mirror their body language to show that you sympathize with them.

Let it go. After saying your peace and actively listening to your best friend’s response, stop dwelling on the conflict. In order for your BFF to forgive you, you must recognize that you have done all you can to remedy the situation. If you have truly accepted responsibility for your actions, you will not bring up the conflict again.

Give your BFF time to forgive you. While you have apologized for your actions, your BFF may not be ready to put the conflict behind them. Remain patient with your BFF. Do not pressure them into forgiving you. If they ask for space, wait for them to contact you. Be patient; this can take a week, a month, or even longer. If you press your friend to talk before they are ready, they may get stressed or frustrated and block you. This will make it harder to reconnect with them. In general, the more severe the fight was, the longer the forgiveness will take. Breaking their toy probably won't take as long as making with their boyfriend or girlfriend.