Why is the third date so important?
The third date will tell you if you want to pursue a relationship or not. If there’s no chemistry on the third date, that’s fine! You two can part ways or stay friends. But, if you do find yourself attracted to your date, things might start to get a bit more serious (which is super exciting, if that’s what you’re looking for).
Some people believe that the third date is when you two should have sex. You may have heard of the infamous “third date rule,” or the idea that people generally have sex on the third date. While this is totally a guideline you can follow if you want to, you definitely don’t have to—you can take your relationship at your own pace. It can be helpful to set boundaries for yourself ahead of time so you can enforce them later. For instance, are you ready to have sex with your date, or would you be more comfortable just kissing or making out?
What should I know by the end of the third date?
Figure out if your date has any of your deal breakers. Seek out anything that might make you break things off. You don’t have to interrogate them, but ask your date questions about anything that would be a deal breaker for you. “Do you want kids one day?” “Do you ever want to get married?” “Do you see yourself living in the city long-term?”
See what kind of relationship your date is looking for. Is this a flirty fling, or are you wanting something serious? The third date is when you can really start looking for compatibility issues. You don’t have to dive into the “What are we?” conversation yet, but you can bring up what you’re looking for to make sure you’re on the same page. “I’m not really looking for anything serious right now. What about you?” “I’d like my next relationship to be a fully committed one. I’m getting tired of the dating game.” Try to be upfront about what you're hoping to get out of the relationship, too.
Decide whether or not you want to continue seeing your date. After your third date, you probably have a good idea of who this person is. When you finally head home, reflect on the date and think about whether you could see yourself with this person long-term. If you can, feel free to reach out and set up that fourth date. But if it isn’t meant to be, don’t be afraid to break things off now. It’s okay to not be 100% sure about the person you’re seeing just yet. If you enjoy their company and you like hanging out with them, it’s worth seeing them again.
Third Date Tips
Do something active with your date. Pick something you two can do together while still chatting. You could try a new hiking trail, stroll through a park, play mini golf, or even go bowling. A casual, fun setting is the perfect theme for a third date—you’ll really want to focus on getting to know each other. Try to avoid anywhere that would prevent you two from talking, like a noisy bar or a movie theater.
Spend at least a few hours together. Expect to spend a little longer with your date than you have before. The first two dates might have only been an hour or two—on the third date, you can try for 3 or 4 hours. You probably don’t want to spend all day together just yet, but you’re well on your way to hanging out with each other for a long period of time. You might go for a hike and then grab lunch, or meet up for drinks and then go get dinner.
Let loose and be yourself. Your date wants to get to know the real you. If you were putting on an act on your first 2 dates (and let’s be honest—who hasn’t?), now’s the time to drop it. Tell your goofy jokes, dance badly, and be your fun self so your date sees who you really are. Hopefully, your date will feel comfortable enough to do the same!
Learn more about your date’s background. Go slightly beyond the surface level to understand your date more. Now that you’ve gotten all the small talk out of the way on your first 2 dates, you can dig a little deeper. Ask them questions about their childhood, their family, and how they ended up in your city. “Where did you grow up?” “Are you close to your parents?” “What made you want to move to Chicago?”
Dive into your date’s values and morals. Are you two going to be compatible in the long-term? You don’t have to tell each other your life stories, but you should get a little more background info on what’s important to your date. That way, you’ll know if this relationship could work out, or if you’re better off parting ways. “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” “What does your ideal relationship look like?” “What’s your main passion outside of work?”
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