She’s in the middle of messy divorce.
This isn’t her fault, but it might not be a good time for a new relationship. If she’s going to be busy with court dates, she’s got legal fees to pay, and things aren’t amicable between her and her soon-to-be ex, it's probably not the best time to start a relationship. It’s not an indictment against her as a potential partner, but just tread lightly and consider your options thoroughly. If the divorce seems to be moving very quickly and she seems emotionally content with how things are going, this may not be a huge deal. This isn’t to say that you can’t date her in the future! If her divorce is finalized in the next month or two and she’s ready to date again, there’s no problem with dating.
She won’t stop talking about her ex.
Her ex shouldn’t be a big topic of discussion when you’re together. This is often a sign that she isn’t over her ex yet. Alternatively, it might mean that she’s trying to play games with you. Regardless, it’s a big sign that she isn’t ready to be with you. She is linked to the second parent of her children for life, and it’s good if they’re on good terms, but he shouldn’t be a major topic of conversation come date night. If the two of you haven’t started dating yet and you’re trying to figure out if it’s a good idea or not, her relationship with her ex should tell you a lot. If she can’t stop talking about how great he is, it’s probably a sign that she’s not ready for anything with you.
She frequently trash talks her ex.
If she can’t stop trash talking her ex, it’s a big red flag. Everybody needs to vent every now and then, but she should try to tone it down when she’s with you. On date night, it should just be about the two of you. Constant trash talk about her ex can indicate she’s wrapped up in drama, or too emotionally invested in her ex to live in the moment. It can even signal that she’s still into them, so you may want to steer clear. If this is a rare occurrence, you may not want to read too much into it. The occasional complaint may be just be normal, healthy venting. If she seems resistant to answer questions about her ex, it’s actually a really good sign! It means she’s trying to build something with you, and only you. A healthy relationship with her ex should look a lot like a business relationship. They should be friendly and respectful, but not so invested in one another that it causes big emotional reactions.
She puts you before her kids.
As a mom, her kids should absolutely come first. If she’s skipping out on her kid’s ball games or school plays to spend time with you, it’s a huge sign that her priorities are all out of whack. She should be turning down the occasional date night and passing up on weekend road trips to spend time with her kids. That just means she’s a good mom! If you have started dating and you have a nagging feeling like you aren’t the most important thing in your life, that’s a good thing! She might be the most important thing to you right now, and that’s okay, but you’re never going to be more essential than her children, and that’s okay too. It can be hard to tell if you don’t have children, but if you get the vibe that she’s consumed with her children to the point of obsession, it might be a sign that she won’t have time for a relationship.
She wants to introduce you to her kids right away.
She should be a little hesitant to bring a new partner around her children. As a single mom, her first job is to protect and take care of her children. While you may be a good guy, it’s normal for her to be a little suspicious of anyone who might get close to her kids. If she’s super excited about bringing you home to meet her children, it’s a sign that she may be a little reckless and irresponsible. Don’t push yourself to meet her kids; let her broach the subject at her own pace. However, when she does eventually bring this up, don’t shy away! Her kids are a big part of her life, and if she wants you to meet them after 6-12 months of dating, it’s a big sign she’s ready to take things to the next level. If it’s been 6-12 months and she outwardly refuses to even introduce you, that might be a red flag as well. It’s 100% her decision on when to introduce you, but she should be at least interested in bringing you around if everything has been going well.
She hints that you’d be a good parent early on.
She should be looking for a partner, not another parent for her kids. Dating a single mom should be a lot like dating a woman without kids (at least most of the time). The two of you should be having fun, romancing one another, and enjoying yourselves. If she seems a little overeager about the prospect of co-parenting with you, it might be a sign that she’s not singularly interested in you as a romantic partner. Don’t read into it if she just makes one or two comments about what kind of a dad you’ll be if you’ve been dating for months, but if this comes up super regularly, it’s worth taking note.
She wants to involve you in drama.
If she and her ex keep getting into it, she shouldn’t be involving you. It’s an unfortunate truth that co-parenting with an ex can lead to conflict every now and then. Ideally, she’d be compartmentalizing that conflict and keeping you out of it, though! If she encourages you to cross a boundary early on to come to her rescue or stand up for her, be weary. It’s a big red flag. If her and her ex are on reasonable terms, they’re friendly, and there doesn’t seem to be any big friction, it’s a huge sign that she’s a stable person with a good working relationship with her ex. Green flags all around!
She acts like a child herself.
This is a red flag even for non-parents, but it’s especially pertinent here. Single moms have massive responsibilities to take care of, and the average single mom is likely more disciplined and reliable than a non-parent of the same age. This is why irresponsible behavior is an especially big red flag when you’re dating a single mom. If she’s doing anything illegal, dangerous, or downright clumsy with any regularity, it’s a sign she may not be dating material. Most people who have children rise to the occasion. However, in some instances, people who aren’t ready for kids end up sort of struggling to adjust. It’s possible to just catch her at the wrong time before she’s fully sorted things out on her end. The reverse is also true here. If she’s on top of things and she strikes you as an uber-responsible person, it’s a big sign that she’s ready for a serious relationship.
She’s never busy or needs to reschedule.
Kids are unpredictable, and she should need to cancel plans occasionally. If it seems like her children literally never come up, it could mean that she’s just got a great support system and that her babysitter, parents, or ex have everything under control. However, it might also mean that she isn’t particularly attentive to her kids. If she never has to cancel date night, she may be eschewing other responsibilities. This may be a green flag if she simply has a great team helping her out behind the scenes, but it might be something worth paying attention to if the two of you have been dating for months and she never needs to reschedule plans or take a rain check.
She needs you to pay for everything.
Raising kids is expensive, but she should be stable if she’s dating. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship but you and her appear to be on different pages with your financial goals, this may be a potential concern. If she never even offers to split a tab or cover her cup of coffee on your lunch date, it could be something to look out for. Maybe she’s just old-fashioned, but money issues are a leading cause of divorce for a reason and this may be something you want to look into. You could try splitting the bill on your next date just to see what she says. If she’s up front about not having a lot of money right now because of a costly divorce or something like that, it may not be a huge deal!
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