Reacting Appropriately
Remain calm. Your initial reaction may be sheer anger, but it's important not to do anything in the heat of the moment that you may regret. Avoid the temptation to scream or be violent; this is a situation that needs to be sorted out when you've fully processed what has happened, and screaming, crying, or violence now is only going to jeopardize your ability to do well in the future. Leave if you feel nothing else but a desire to behave violently. This needs to be sorted out when you're calmer; get out of the room, house or wherever you may be.
Tell them immediately that you are retreating to allow them to get dressed. Wait somewhere else while they get themselves dressed. Find a place to sit down and take deep breaths. If you need to find a way to let out your anger, hit a pillow or a cushion.
Prepare yourself to face the other man. If you are in your own home or a shared home, ask him to leave. If he refuses, do not turn to violence, but rather explain that you need time to sort things out with your girlfriend. Be prepared for him to act violently, since you caught him in an offensive art. You should not be the one to start the violence but it is always clever to have a backup plan. You may want to place yourself near an exit or near the kitchen or an item that could be used as a weapon for self protection.
Think about what to do next. If you're too upset to think straight, that's okay. Wait for your girlfriend to come out, and calmly tell her that you need to take some time alone, and that you'll let her know when you're ready to talk. Then, walk out, call a supportive friend, and take the time you need to calm down.
Talking to Your Girlfriend
Know what you want before you start the conversation. Whether you want to stay together and work it out or break up, make sure you know what you want before you start the conversation. Going in with a clear goal will help you stay focused while talking to her.
Meet with your girlfriend one-on-one. Don't allow the other man to come. Doing so will put your girlfriend in the power position. In addition, this is a situation that is between you and your girlfriend. The other man may not have even known that she was in a relationship—don't bring in another unnecessary foe.
Explain your desire to have an honest but calm discussion. Telling your girlfriend at the beginning of the conversation that you wish to stay rational will also help you remind yourself not to get overly worked up. If your girlfriend wishes to apologize or talk first, let her.
Be the bigger person. Understand that your girlfriend will be on the defensive, and therefore will likely try to upset you. She may blame the cheating on you, scream at you, or otherwise attempt to make you angry. Hear her out, but do not fall prey to her attempts to upset you. Stay calm, and be firm about your decision.
Be honest but rational. Explain why you are hurt and what you want to do about it. If you want to break up, explain to your girlfriend that you are too hurt to continue the relationship. If you are willing to rebuild, let her know, and see what she thinks. Avoid saying anything strictly out of anger or hurt—you may end up saying something you regret. If you do decide to stay together, it will take time for your girlfriend to rebuild the trust that she has broken. Seeing a couple's counselor can be very helpful.
Stick to your word. If you decide to try to work it out, don't hold a grudge for the next year and a half. While it's okay to be wary, punishing your girlfriend over and over is not healthy, and it will ultimately end up further hurting your relationship. If you decide to break up, don't take her back two weeks later. Doing so will show her that you aren't serious about your word, and it will open up the door for her to cheat again.
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