How to Deal with a Husband Who Has Bipolar Disorder

Managing Your Husband’s Bipolar Disorder Together

Educate yourself about bipolar disorder. One way to help deal with your husband with bipolar is to learn more about bipolar. Learn about the symptoms, the different phases, and even the different types. Educating yourself can help you learn how to identify manic or depressive episodes, understand the chemical imbalance behind the episodes, and look for any troubling behavior. Knowing about bipolar can help you avoid surprises and reduce frustration from misunderstanding the disorder.

Undergo treatment together. When you have a husband who has bipolar, both of you need to be part of the treatment process. This means going to see your husband’s psychiatrist with him. This allows you to become part of the treatment process, which may help to lead to a healthier marriage. You can give the doctor an honest assessment of your husband’s behavior, and the doctor can help you understand your husband more. Make sure you get your husband’s consent, otherwise a psychiatrist won’t be able to include you in the sessions. Let your husband know that you are not going to his sessions with him to try to control him or override him, but to offer support and be part of the treatment process because his successful treatment and management affects both of you.

Adopt a schedule. When you live with a husband who has bipolar, you should help him adopt a schedule. This routine can help your husband avoid surprises and triggers. This schedule should include a consistent sleep time, daily exercise, a healthy diet, and counseling. Other daily or weekly activities can be included into the schedule. Include spending time together in the schedule. It is important that you and your husband communicate, spend time together, and continuously work on your marriage. For example, you may decide that every Saturday night for three hours will be couples time. You may go to the movies, go to dinner, or put on music and spend time together in the house. Remove all distractions during this time, including cell phones and computers.

Provide your husband with a safe space. You should build a home where your husband feels safe. He needs a safe space to let out his feelings without threat of being punished or condemned. People with bipolar need safe spaces to deal with the frustrations they feel because of their illness. To help build this safe space, make sure your husband understands that it is okay for him to express his true feelings to you. Be there to talk to him whenever his bipolar overwhelms him.

Teach your children about bipolar disorder. If you have children, then you shouldn’t hide your husband’s bipolar disorder from your children. They should learn what it means that their father has bipolar. They should also be taught how society views mental illness, bipolar in particular, and help them come up with coping skills. Tell your children to be honest about their feelings. Let them know their feelings are valid, such as being embarrassed or angered by your husband’s actions. Try not to make your husband’s mental illness a family secret that your children feel they cannot talk about. This isn’t healthy and can cause your children to fear your husband or his illness.

Recognize when the bipolar is talking instead of your husband. Sometimes, the bipolar disorder may cause your husband to say things he does not mean. If he is extremely irritable, he may say harsh words. If he is depressed, he may talk about how it would be better if he was dead or how he doesn’t care about anything. Try to learn how to separate the bipolar words from your husband’s words. This may take awhile to figure out. You may need the help of your husband’s psychiatrist to help you figure out how to separate the two. Remember, learning how to identify the bipolar words does not give your husband an excuse to verbally abuse you. Talk to the psychiatrist if your husband is verbally abusing you and ask for help.

Setting Boundaries With Your Husband

Set ground rules. You and your husband should set ground rules dealing with his bipolar disorder. These rules cover various behaviors, from major depressive episodes, to suicidal thoughts, to manic spending sprees. These rules are set in place to help both of you know what to expect when your husband starts acting certain ways, and to help each of you know what the other expects from you. Discuss these rules with your husband when he is not in an episode. Make sure to outline clearly what your non-negotiable rules are. Tell your husband what behaviors are not acceptable to you. Explain the consequences and actions you will take if he doesn't take his meds, goes on a spending sprees, or something else. Make sure you are willing to follow through, otherwise the action plan is pointless. Remember, you are talking to your husband and partner, so approach it firmly, but lovingly. Don't bully your husband or treat him like a child. Approach this like two adults who are making a responsible action plan to manage his bipolar disorder so your marriage and family will remain strong and intact.

Make rules about following management strategies. One important aspect of coping with bipolar disorder and having a healthy, working marriage and family is to make sure the person with bipolar follows his or her management plan. Your husband should take his meds as directed, go to his therapy appointments, and follow any other management strategies that the psychiatrist, you, and your husband have come up with. One hard and fast rule should be that your husband takes his meds as directed. Most problems with the treatment of bipolar is that people skip their meds or stop taking them.

Set financial boundaries. Many people with bipolar go on manic spending sprees. This puts a lot of financial stress and strain on families and relationships. It's helpful to come up with rules with your husband for how you can limit any manic spending. For example, put a rule into place where you can take away his credit card or freeze his accounts is he starts spending.

Refuse to tolerate any abuse. Some people with bipolar can lash out at their families. You should set a precedent in your family that this will not be tolerated. Discuss with your husband that all physical abuse is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Also talk to him about how you will not tolerate verbal and emotional abuse. If your husband is verbally or emotionally abusive, talk to your husband about ways in which the two of you can work on controlling these verbal outbursts. Consult the psychiatrist if you need to.

Put together an action plan for crises. You and your husband should come up with certain rules for when things get too bad. This may include when he refuses to take his medicine, gets in a bad episode, or is suicidal. The rules you set in place for this are to protect your husband as much as you. For example, your husband may be responsible for contacting the doctor if he’s been in a depressive episode for days. Your husband may be expected to tell you if he’s suicidal so you can contact the doctor and get him the help he needs.

Protecting Yourself When You Have a Bipolar Husband

Refrain from ignoring the problem. Some people think that if they ignore the mental illness, it will go away. No one in the family should ignore your husband’s bipolar. Your husband should not ignore his mental illness by refusing to accept it or getting treatment. You should not ignore it and pretend that your husband is okay. This can lead to problems later. If you have to, grieve for the fact that your husband has bipolar. Grieving may be part of the acceptance and coping process. Dealing with a bipolar husband can be difficult, so give your time to adjust to the new challenge in your life.

Refrain from living your life for your husband. Though you may have to make adjustments and sacrifices because your husband has bipolar, that does not mean that your life should be only about your husband. You should not live for him. You should be your own person, with your own interests and your own life. Pursue hobbies, your career, and personal goals. Don’t sacrifice yourself. Remember that you are a human being who deserves a good life. You deserve to take care of yourself in addition to your husband. Having your life revolve only around your husband can cause a lot of problems for both of you.

Find a support network. When your husband deals with bipolar disorder, you may feel uncomfortable reaching out for support because you are afraid you and your husband will be judged. However, you should seek support from trusted family members or friends. Finding people you trust can help relieve the burden on both of your shoulders. If you don’t want to turn to people you know, you can try to find a support group in your community. This can provide a safe space for you to talk about being married to a bipolar husband without the fear of any negative response.

Helping Your Husband Get Help

Be aware that bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed. Misdiagnosis is common among people who have bipolar disorder, in part because of the high rates of comorbidity (having another disorder along with bipolar disorder). Individuals who have bipolar disorder may also suffer from substance abuse problems, ADHD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and social phobia. Also, sometimes only the depressive symptoms of bipolar disorder may be noticed and treated. If you believe that your husband has been misdiagnosed, then encourage him to talk to his psychiatrist about the full range of his symptoms.

Discuss the topic when you both are calm. If your husband has been diagnosed with bipolar in the past but isn’t being treated by a psychiatrist, you should help him get the help he needs. This can ensure both of you stay safe and healthy while having a loving, satisfying marriage. Make sure to bring up the topic when you both are comfortable and calm, not when you are upset or emotional. The first time you bring it up may not be successful. Your husband may get angry or upset if you bring it up. He may think he doesn't need help for his bipolar because he's been managing fine without any help. If this happens, leave it for now and bring it up again in the future.

Keep a loving tone as you talk to your husband. You should be very careful with how you speak with your husband when you bring up his bipolar disorder. Make sure to talk to him in a calm and loving manner, keeping all accusations out of your voice. Don’t let yourself get emotional or angry because it will cause distress in your husband. Try not to phrase things using “you.” Instead, phrase your sentences with the word “I.” For example, you may say, “I love you, and I’ve noticed you’ve seemed down lately. I want to help you if I can.” You may also say, “I see how much you struggle every day. I love you very much, so I did some research, and I think you may have bipolar disorder.”

Provide your husband with information. You may find yourself in a situation where your husband has never been diagnosed with bipolar. If your husband has never realized he has bipolar disorder, he may not know that he has it or even what the symptoms are. You should be prepared to share information about the disorder with your husband. Offer to read the information with him or give him time to look over them himself. You may want to print out articles about how to identify the symptoms of bipolar disorder or about treating bipolar disorder. You can include information about how bipolar disorder affects the brain, along with common symptoms of the different types of bipolar. You should also include treatment options.

Protect yourself from abuse. Though you can build a loving, healthy relationship with your husband, this takes dedication to treatment and management on both spouses’ parts. Sometimes, however, this may not be the case. If your husband ignores his bipolar diagnosis or refuses to get treatment, you may be subject to abuse. Abuse can take various forms. Bipolar people may verbally abuse you by blaming you for things. You may face emotional abuse due to cruel or controlling behavior. A person with bipolar may perform physical abuse if his irritability or anger gets too much. You may also be subject to financial abuse due to manic spending sprees that cause debt.