How to Apologize to Your Girlfriend's Dad

Start with the word “I.”

Set the right tone from the very beginning. Show your girlfriend’s dad that you’re taking full responsibility right from the very start of your apology. Keep the conversation focused on you, what you did wrong, and what you’re going to do to fix it. For instance, you could start with, “I need to talk to you for a minute” or “I have something I need to talk with you about.” Avoid saying something like, “You and I need to talk” or “Your daughter says I need to talk with you,” which shifts the focus off of yourself and could make you look insincere.

Admit that you were wrong.

Take full ownership of your mistakes. Come right out and say that what you did or what you said was wrong. Don’t beat around the bush. Get right to it and your girlfriend’s dad may appreciate that you aren’t trying to dance around the subject. Try, “I was wrong for saying/doing that” or simply, “I was wrong.”

Mention what you’re apologizing for specifically.

Show him that you’re fully acknowledging your mistakes. Avoid using vague or general terms or he may think that you’re just going through the motions and don’t really mean what you’re saying. Get as specific as possible. For instance, if you and your girlfriend got into a bad fight, say, “I was wrong to raise my voice and shout at your daughter, no matter how angry we were.” Even if it’s for something relatively small, take the time to acknowledge your specific mistakes. You could say, “It was my fault we were late to the airport” or, “I should have stopped to pick up the ice and drinks like I said I would.”

Take full responsibility for your actions.

Keep the conversation focused on you. Avoid bringing in anybody else to your apology. Instead, talk about your actions and how they contributed to the problem. If your girlfriend's dad asks you questions about your behavior, answer him respectfully and honestly. He'll likely really appreciate that you aren't trying to excuse what you did or blame anybody else. For instance, say, "I really messed up" or "It was my mistake" instead of something like, “I'm sorry this happened, but it wasn't my fault" or “She pushed me too far.” If he asks you for clarification about what happened, avoid getting defensive and answer him truthfully. He may just want to understand the situation better.

Tell him that you’re sorry.

Look him in the eyes and be direct. Say that you apologize. Keep it simple and clear. Try, “I’m sorry” or “I have to apologize” or even, “I’m deeply sorry.” Avoid going too far with it. Say it once and say it like you mean it.

Ask him to forgive you.

Even if he isn’t ready yet, let him know that you hope he will. Depending on how upset your girlfriend’s dad is, he may be ready to forgive you right away. But he may also need some time. If that's the case, avoid pressuring him to forgive you. Instead, respectfully ask for his forgiveness and let him know that you understand if he needs time to think about it. Just simply saying that you’re sorry without asking him to forgive you could make it seem like your heart isn’t really in the apology. You might say, "I understand that what I did was wrong, but would you be able to forgive me?" or "Can you forgive me for what I've done? If you need time to think about it, I understand."

Say that you want to make amends.

Get as specific as you can. Talk about what you plan to do to make it up to him as well as your girlfriend if it involves her. Avoid using vague and general terms like “I’ll be better” or “I’m going to make it up to you.” Be specific and clear about what you’ll do. For instance, you could say, “I’m going to talk to a therapist about learning to control my temper” or “I’m going to set 2 alarms so we won’t be late again.”

Leave out any “ifs” or “buts.”

Caveats and qualifiers can weaken your apology. Don’t try to rationalize or excuse your behavior. Take full responsibility and keep the focus on you. It’ll make you seem more genuine. Avoid saying something like, "I realize what this looks like, but you have to see this from my perspective" or "If you had been there, you would understand why I was so angry."

Promise that it won’t happen again.

Give him your word. Tell your girlfriend’s dad that you’re committed to being better and you won’t make the same mistake again in the future. Show him that you mean it through changing your ways and being conscious of your actions going forward. Try, “I swear, this won’t ever happen again” or “You have my word that I won’t repeat this mistake.” Make a commitment to change. If you offended your girlfriend's dad by telling a rude joke, for example, think about how your words affect people going forward.

Keep it short and sweet.

Express your regret, then give him space. Try not to ramble on or make friendly conversation with your girlfriend’s dad. He may not be interested in continuing to talk with you or he may think your apology is insincere if you carry on like nothing happened. Instead, make your apology and then take your leave so he can think about it. You could try, “I just wanted to apologize, and now I’m going to get out of your hair.” If he seems like he wants you to stay or he continues to talk to you, by all means, stick around! Just don’t try to force the situation.

Be prepared to have to apologize multiple times.

Your girlfriend’s dad may take some convincing. He may be upset with you the first couple of times he sees you after your first apology. Show him that you mean it by being willing to apologize as many times as it takes. It’s also super important that you follow up your promises with action. If you say you’re going to do something to make amends, do it! Your girlfriend’s dad will definitely notice.